Centering Prayer and Breathing Exercises for Uncertain Times

Our encounters of mortality are what I refer to as a boot camp for the soul. 

If you are struggling with your own or someone else's mortality, there are things to do to recharge your stamina and resiliency in facing grief and fear.

Centering Prayer:

Centering Prayer (also called Prayer of the Heart) is the prayer first described in the spiritual classic, "The Cloud of Unknowing".
Centering Prayer is thought to be based on one of the contemplative prayer forms St. John of the Cross describes as “the practice of loving attentiveness”.

Research has been conducted on Centering Prayer. (Article: "Centering prayer for women receiving chemotherapy for recurrent ovarian cancer: A pilot study". Oncology Nursing Forum 36 (4)) This one-year Centering Prayer study conducted by the Mind Body Medicine Research Group studied prayer practitioners, along with other spiritual practitioners, for the Spiritual Engagement Project, a research study on how engagement in spiritual practices and community influences health and well-being.  Participants completed the myriad tasks for this project, including online questionnaires, two eight-day periods of daily telephone surveys, forms and emails. The findings indicate that it may be helpful for those receiving chemotherapy, and that it may help people experience a more collaborative relationship with God, as well as reduced stress.

This prayer form is a meditation technique which works primarily with the repetition of a sacred word or formula.
Centering Prayer is a silent, non-conceptual form prayer and therefore different from conventional spoken prayers such as the Lord’s Prayer or mentally repeated prayers. The practice of centering prayer seeks to still the activity of the mind in order to experience a loving awareness of God’s presence.
Centering Prayer takes shape in four very simple steps.

1. Choose a sacred word or phrase such as Abba, Jesus, Shalom or Love.

1. Sit comfortably with good supported posture and with eyes closed begin repeating the chosen sacred word.

1. When ever other thoughts arise, do not fret, just keep coming back to the sacred word.

1. At the end of your prayer, remain in silence for a while, observing your breathing.

Possible sacred words or phrases for Centering Prayer are: 

• Jesus

• Christos

• Father

• Mother 

• Abba

• God

• Love

• Peace

• Mercy

• Yes

You can make this your own, based on you unique beliefs and convictions.

The singular word is very helpful for making a simple assertion. When I was having my "Whole World Melt Down" in 2008, I began to use the word "peace" and I still use it today. It has borne fruit in my life that I now see today.

Try the Centering Prayer when you are ready. It will be there for you when it is the right time.
Breathing Exercises:

Breathing Exercises also are beneficial for stress reduction and centering. 
 (If you have any medical history with complications of breathing – consult a physician first.)

This particular technique is from the discipline of Tai Chi. I have mentioned it before, it bears repeating.

Sit with both feet firmly planted on the ground and in an upright and alert position that is comfortable.

Take 3 short inhales.

Let go of 1 long exhale.

Repeat this sequence five times.

This pattern brings what is typically an involuntary bodily process (breathing) and makes it an intentional process, thereby bringing awareness to your core self and assisting you with grounding and offering stability. Breathing gets at the sympathetic nervous system, which is the system that can become aggrivated and cause panic attacks and anxiety related disorders.There are many breathing exercises to try, this one is a place to begin.

Be well.

Love,
Kim

When the Pain of Grief Turns to Thoughts of Suicide

I have been experiencing an increase of discussion about suicide in many groups, not just the widowed community - even a group that I am in that has nothing to do with grief has several people struggling with accepting the world they find themselves in.

I wrote this because I have had so many conversations of late around the topic and my heart breaks but I want to impart more than sympathy, I want to impart life.

Take what you like and leave the rest, comments are also welcome.

Namaste.

We all suffer.

The suffering in grief is uniquely intense. Recently I have spoken with many widows over their desire to end their pain via suicide. Many experience extreme suffering, and for some the suffering seems unbearable. They assume that the other side is painless and easy.

Since we all have to die in the end, if life becomes unbearable, then why prolong the agony?

Perhaps we imagine that we will be reunited with our loved one(s)?

I turn to the Buddhist tradition to see what it says about suicide...

The main stance of Buddhism is that the only path to peace is by being mindfully present. We can only do this through acceptance.

Buddhists believe that if we engage in mental states based in craving, hatred and delusion will give rise to actions that lead to consequences of increased suffering and decreased happiness.

These mental states and the actions arising from them are termed ‘unskilful’, in that they do not help us or anyone around us - including our children.

Contrarily, mental states that are based in acceptance, love and wisdom will give rise to actions that lead to a decrease in suffering, and an increase in happiness. These are termed ‘skilful’ in that they help everyone.

In other words, when we are grasping relentlessly for something that cannot be fulfilled and we refuse to accept the real and broken world we live in... when we believe that we are at fault for things that are not reasonably within our control... when we hate ourselves and engage in sloppy thinking and expect life to be happy... we are not using skills that will be productive and helpful and life-giving.

When we are able to let go and accept the order of things, that people die as a course of life, even untimely and violently at times... when we bring in love for ourselves and others including anyone that we might consider has wronged us... when we allow reality to have room and we know that everything is about change and impermanence... then we are life-giving and light-bearing in our circumstances.

Buddhists join many traditions that believe that the other side of suicide may not hold the relief from pain that a suicidal person expects...

Here are some quotes:

“Some people commit suicide; they seem to think that there is suffering simply because there is the human life, and that by cutting off the life there will be nothing…

But, according to the Buddhist viewpoint, that’s not the case; your consciousness will continue.

Even if you take your own life, this life, you will have to take another body that again will be the basis of suffering.

If you really want to get rid of all your suffering, all the difficulties you experience in your life, you have to get rid of the fundamental cause (greed, hatred and delusion) that gives rise to the aggregates that are the basis of all suffering.

Killing yourself isn’t going to solve your problems.”


-His Holiness the 14th Dalai Lama



“According to the Buddhist teaching of cause and effect, since one does not realise the truth of all phenomena, or does not practise to be liberated from life and death, suicide is pointless.

When one’s karmic retribution is not exhausted, death by suicide only leads to another cycle of rebirth.

This is why Buddhists do not support suicide; and instead, encourage constructive living, using this life to diligently practise good, thus changing the present and the future for the better.”

-Chan Master Sheng Yen



“If we do not use this precious body to help ourselves, till when shall we wait to save ourselves?”

- Buddhist Saying

Love,
Kim

The Widow's Gates

They may have discussed marriage or been engaged. They may have been life partners because they could not formalize a legal arrangement. They may have made a heart contract. They may have been together months or decades; lived together or separately.

And then their beloved dies.

These grieving people often express a different kind of grief. Without a state endorsed ceremony and license, the world of widows and widowers appears to them to be a gated community, walled by two pieces of paper – a wedding license and a death certificate. And it is their perception that this gated community keeps them out.

Despite the derivations, one common thread remains – that the word “widow” or “widower” could be challenged if they were to define themselves thus. But there is no existing word for them.

Many have reported that they feel their grief is devalued. Others have lost shared resources, wealth, and relationships. Some have even lost access to children.

The term “widow” and “widower” is code. It stands for the level of personal disruption and hardship a death creates, as well as the measure of the bond and heartache. Since all terms are slippery, the term “widow” or “widower” never will tease out, for example, the surviving partner that secretly wished the partner dead or the spouse that had an affair and was about to leave the marriage only to be slowed by illness or death.

I undertook study of the word “widow” in it's historical context in search of better understanding. As with all research projects, you begin with an intuitive hunch that may or may not bear out. In this case, there are multiple points of interest to bring to the table.

To know what the word widow meant historically, you have to start with what marriage meant historically.

Marriage in Western civilization has a circuitous history, chiefly influenced by Roman, Hebrew, and Germanic cultures.

Marriage is, unfortunately, not easily summarized. From an anthropological perspective, it appears that all cultures view marriage as an absolute necessity. All cultures pressure healthy persons to marry and bear children. Many cultures have gone so far as to have laws that penalized the unmarried and childless.

While generalities are hard to distill, throughout history marriage consisted of a personal agreement that did not involve government or religion until very recently. Marriage was generally conducted as business arrangement between families.

These soft boundaries in relation to marriage also resulted in soft boundaries in relation to widowhood.

The Judeo-Christian influence on our modern society is undeniable. It is interesting to reconstruct our early ancestors understanding of widowhood.

Greek term translated "widow" (chera) means "bereft" and conveys a sense of suffering loss or being left alone. The term chera is not limited to a woman whose husband has died. It is understood as a woman that was left desolate, forsaken, abandoned and empty.

The Septuagint is the Koine Greek version of the Hebrew Bible, and was written in stages between the 3rd and 2nd Centuries BCE in Alexandria.

The Septuagint's treatment of 2 Samuel 20 includes a story about David taking ten women as his concubines. He put them in ward, fed them, but never had sexual relations or saw them. So they were shut up unto the day of their death, living each day in “widowhood” - the root of “widow” being the greek word chera. This passage demonstrates a completely different understanding of the state of “widowhood” – one where a husband was actually alive. The scriptures often use the term as to be left "desolate" or "alone". At this time in history, being alone was an especially difficult position because community was everything. There was no honorable employment for women, neither was there government assistance.

Since the outlook for women alone was bleak, the early Christian church began to propose that it was a virtue to assist them. The emerging Christian ethos can be seen in James 1:27, where the treatment of widows was a test through which believers demonstrated the genuineness of their faith.

Chera - “widowhood” - was not limited to a husband's death, nor was it limited by religious or legal constructs around the partnership. A widow could be a woman who lost her partner through divorce, desertion, imprisonment, or especially death. If she marries or remarries, she is no longer a “widow” because she is no longer bereft.

Caring for such a woman was seen as a privilege and a manifestation of God's compassion.

Fast forward to Medieval Europe. The legalities of marriage had actually changed very little. Again, the most common kind of marriage was understood simply by the couple's living together for a time period.

It was in this context - in early part of the Middle Ages - that the root of our word “widow” starts to appear. The Oxford English Dictionary’s earliest citation is before 825 in the Vespasian Psalter: “Sien bearn his asteapte & wif his widwe.” (Orphaned is his son & his wife a widow.) Note the interesting use of the word orphan when the mother is still alive... again, these terms seem to have far looser perimeters than we assign to them. It also reflects a male-centric worldview.

The verb form appears in the Middle English period. From the 14th century Northumbrian poem Cursor Mundi: “Ik am nu widuit of mi spus.” (I am now widowed of my spouse.)

The Indo-European root -"widh" - means to separate, to be empty. The root in Latin is the source of the word: divide. These words imply a state of being rather than a legal condition.

The only sources historians have to determine the civilian histories of widows and widowers are surviving household accounts, personal wills and letters. Historical archives of letters and correspondence indicate that widows were sought after for marriage in Europe in the middle ages. Likely this reflects a motivation to increase power and wealth among families.

Chaucer's Wife of Bath was purported to have “husbands five”. King Henry VII's mother had four husbands. Some wills specified a requirement for their widows to “remain a widow” and not remarry. The Earl of Pembroke stated in his will "wyfe .. . remember your promise to me take the ordyre of widowhood as ye may be the better mayster of your owne, to performe my wille and to help my children, as I love and trust you." They had seven children.

If remarried, these women were no longer considered widows. This might further indicate that the understanding of this word implies that they are no longer left desolate, forsaken, abandoned and empty.

Fast forward to Colonial America. Since there were few courts or churches available... everyone, including aristocrats, were again back to getting married by living together and declaring themselves husband and wife. These were referred to as common-law marriages.

Today, surveys estimate that the marriage rate in the U.S. is half what it was at it's peak after World War II. Some sociologists posit that we are returning to a "pre-modern pattern" where upper-class people marry to protect their holdings while many others don't marry at all.

With a declining marriage rate as well as delayed or lengthened engagements, we are presented with a lack of words and language for a large population who have lost a significant life partner – people who have endured great personal disruption and hardship, who are immersed in, as I term it: a harsh grief wilderness.

Either the language can become more flexible or new words must be developed to give voice to many people who have loved deeply, committed fully and endured great loss.

Love, Kim

Grounding Technique for Panic Attacks

I get asked about tools for panic attacks about 2x a month, so I thought I would post this, as a peer and colleague and not a therapist. Please comment and add your knowledge to the discussion.

Grounding as a Method to Address Panic Attacks

Self-care becomes important when we are grieving. We are the best expert to take care of ourselves and provide ourselves what we need.

You can take care of yourself when you feel a panic attack coming on. You absolutely can have the knowledge and tools to keep yourself settled and calm.

Please read this thoroughly. You may want to print out these instructions and keep them available.

The Idea Behind This Technique:
As the name implies, "grounding" is a particular way of coping that is designed to "ground" you in the present moment. In doing so, you can retain your connection with the present moment and reduce the likelihood that you slip into a state of panic, flashback or dissociation. In this way, grounding may be considered to be very similar to mindfulness.

General Instructions:
To ground, you want to use the five senses (sound, touch, smell, taste, and sight). To connect with the here and now, you want to do something that will bring all your attention to the present moment.



To Begin:
Sit or stand with both feet firmly on the ground. Say to yourself: "I have everything I need to get through this feeling." Repeat that a few times.

3 deep breaths at the beginning and end of the exercise. Remember, if someone is lightheaded or hyperventilating they should breathe in and out into a paper bag 10 times.


Then start the 5's... Specific Instructions:

* 5 Sounds:
Listen for 5 discrete sounds that are different and identify them. For instance: a fan, a dog barking in the distance, the refrigerator humming, your own breathing and crickets chirping. And as a result, your attention will be directed to that noise, bringing you into the present moment.

* 5 Sensations:
Touch 5 discretely different surfaces - look for warm, cold, rough, smooth - forcing you to stay in touch with the present moment.

* 5 Smells:
Smell 5 discretely different odors - fruity, floral, green, spicy, herbal - forcing you to stay in touch with the present moment.

* 5 Tastes:
Taste 5 descrete tastes - sweet, sour, salty, cold, hot - tastes can force you to stay in the present moment.

* 5 Sights:
Take an inventory of 5 things around you. Connect with the present moment by verbally listing 5 things around you. You could identify 5 colors you see. Count 5 pieces of furniture around you. Taking an inventory of your immediate environment can directly connect you with the present moment.


(Personal note: I used to wake up in the middle of the night with panic. I had two plastic pill sorter trays by the bed. One had tastes in it: salt, sugar, cocoa powder, cinnamon and vanilla powder. One had cotton balls in with different scents in each compartment. This way I could use the 5's right at my bedside. I would sit up in bed, swing my feet over and place them firmly on the ground, open my bedside drawer and pull out my trays and then start my routine.)

Essential oils are great and you can keep on hand to help relax if panicking: specifically lavender and neroli. Clary sage can help relax someone (don't use with alcohol). Lavender is definitely the cheapest alternative and easiest to procure.

That is a start - this system, given to me by my best friend who is an EMDR therapist, absolutely worked for me...

Blessings...
Kim

Day 31 of the 31 Day TLC Pledge

Beloveds...

Today, I am getting my massage later. I have decided to make some "I love you" calls to people that I think could use it, knowing that it will benefit my spirit as well to do so.

What ways are you showing love for yourself and others who need it today?

I Love You!


LOVE, LOVE, LOVE!

Day 30 of the 31 Day TLC Pledge

TO DOs!
A to-do list on Valentine’s Day:

1. Eat something special (For me, Vietnamese Pho)

2. Listen to your favorite music (For me, Sarah McLachlan seems good right now)

3. Take a luxurious bath or shower (It will have to be a shower, but I will get something special for the shower)

4. Buy yourself a flower (I will go and see what is pretty, I am not a huge rose fan, I like more relaxed flower forms)

5. Order food in (I will order a Chinese Wonton Salad to be delivered)

6. Watch my favorite movie (For me, I think I will watch "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button")

7. Read a favorite poem or prose (For me, Mary Oliver)

8. Dress in something that makes you feel good (For me, it is my smocked top and pant outfit)

Hope you are working on YOUR list.

Day 29 of the 31 Day TLC Pledge

I am still sick!

I am going to get a chair massage today, to add to my self-care plans.

Since my brain is so fuzzy with being congested, I will merely share with you what I am meditating on today:

"You do not do the work of changing," says poet David Whyte. "You feed and nourish your longing in whatever way you can and then the longing does the work."

What are you doing to feed and nourish your longing? If your longing is for the departed one in your life, what can you do to feed and nourish that space?

Love,

Day 28 of the 31 Day TLC Pledge

We are so close to Valentine's Day - it is winding down...

I am struggling with a really bad cold. So my posts have been mostly poems because I am on Nyquil and it makes me stupid. Taking care of myself right now = sleep, kleenex with LOTION, aloe vera saline gel for my nose, tea, dvds, youtube, instant messages and more sleep.

So, I humbly offer a great poem for me today:


Go hang yourself, you old M.D.!
You shall not sneer at me.
Pick up your hat and stethoscope,
Go wash your mouth with laundry soap;
I contemplate a joy exquisite
I'm not paying you for your visit.
I did not call you to be told
My malady is a common cold.

By pounding brow and swollen lip;
By fever's hot and scaly grip;
By those two red redundant eyes
That weep like woeful April skies;
By racking snuffle, snort, and sniff;
By handkerchief after handkerchief;
This cold you wave away as naught
Is the damnedest cold man ever caught!

Give ear, you scientific fossil!
Here is the genuine Cold Colossal;
The Cold of which researchers dream,
The Perfect Cold, the Cold Supreme.
This honored system humbly holds
The Super-cold to end all colds;
The Cold Crusading for Democracy;
The Führer of the Streptococcracy.

Bacilli swarm within my portals
Such as were ne'er conceived by mortals,
But bred by scientists wise and hoary
In some Olympic laboratory;
Bacteria as large as mice,
With feet of fire and heads of ice
Who never interrupt for slumber
Their stamping elephantine rumba.

A common cold, gadzooks, forsooth!
Ah, yes. And Lincoln was jostled by Booth;
Don Juan was a budding gallant,
And Shakespeare's plays show signs of talent;
The Arctic winter is fairly coolish,
And your diagnosis is fairly foolish.
Oh what a derision history holds
For the man who belittled the Cold of Colds!

Ogden Nash

What would be a good poem for YOU today?
Love,

Day 28 of the 31 Day TLC Pledge

Nurture
By Maxine Kumin

From a documentary on marsupials I learn
that a pillowcase makes a fine
substitute pouch for an orphaned kangaroo.

I am drawn to such dramas of animal rescue.
They are warm in the throat. I suffer, the critic proclaims,
from an overabundance of maternal genes.

Bring me your fallen fledgling, your bummer lamb,

lead the abused, the starvelings, into my barn.
Advise the hunted deer to leap into my corn.

And had there been a wild child—
filthy and fierce as a ferret, he is called
in one nineteenth-century account—

a wild child to love, it is safe to assume,
given my fireside inked with paw prints,
there would have been room.

Think of the language we two, same and not-same,
might have constructed from sign,
scratch, grimace, grunt, vowel:

Laughter our first noun, and our long verb, howl.

What nurturing pouch will you make for yourself today?

love,

Day 27 of the 31 Day TLC Pledge

"NEEDS AND NURTURE" by Kate

I wait in this dark and silent place
With no air, no space
In which to spread my smothered roots,
Pungent and stale the earth
In need of the season of re-birth.

Suddenly - movement - someone is near,
Perhaps my stifled cries to hear,
A rush of air and into the light,
Gentle hands lift, caress and weave
My stems, my arms, my leaves.

I am laid down into warm new soil -
Fresh, moist- gradually I uncoil
My tangled roots, reaching out,
I am cocooned, touching virgin loam
Which surrounds me in this new home.

In return for kind nurture I reveal rewards
Of heart-shaped leaves, stems like swords,
Bell-like blossoms swinging, ringing in
The vibes of my joy at being given
The chance to survive, to grow and go on living.

What will you do for yourself today to grow and go on living?

love,

Day 26 of the 31 Day TLC Pledge

Today, I am prompted to think more on the body because I am fighting off the cold that has nailed everyone here. I was one of the last to catch it - which is telling me that my self-care is good. Someone who is grieving who has a good immune defense - that is a signal that I am taking good care of myself. Now, this cold has finally tried to move in, causing me to need rest and supplements.

How does your body communicate with you? How often do you pause to really listen to the messages your body sends you?

Your body can offer you two types of intelligence:

* Signals and indications about what is healthy.
* Intuitive information and guidance about direction and choices.

Sometimes your body speaks in an increasing volume and you still ignore the messages. You might notice a vague discomfort or, you forget to listen to your body’s signals until you finally get sick or are too exhausted to function.

Admittedly, you might not want to listen. If you are invested in busy - ness and stress, you might actually resent your body's limitations.

Can you rebel without paying a dear price?

Every day, hour and minute we can engage the wisdom that our body offers. Once you make the commitment to being mindful, you will find that pain and anxiety decrease. Your body will not have to talk so loudly!

What signals have you been ignoring? Pause and listen to your body right now. What do you need? It might be as simple as a glass of water or as life changing as a new vocation.

Remember, listening to your body is being loving to yourself.

Today's Suggested Intention: I will check in with my body often today and listen to it's wisdom.

Today's Suggested Action: Look for a time to take a nap or at least rest in a deep way for 20 minutes.

What was your action today?
Love,

Day 25 of the 31 Day TLC Pledge

Vaga Luma

This is a final project - a proposed website (yet to exist) for experiential sharing and preservation of memories from the user's deceased family members, relatives and friends, an interactive gallery of remembrance and immortalize.

This project is intended to illustrate how private, personal memories become perceptible, alive with color, sound and motion, and show the connections between a deceased person and the memories his loved ones have from him.

You can view a live demo of this project in English or Hebrew on Vimeo. SEE THE VIDEO HERE.

Today - think of how you can bring creativity to your remembrance and act on it!

See her website HERE.

Love,

Day 24 of the 31 Day TLC Pledge

WOW!

Day 24!

It is moving along - when you count the days in this way time seems to be flying! We only have 1 week to go for Valentines Day.

Today I became aware of how being indoors in the winter means you have stale air around you. You breathe the same air over and over and it goes through a furnace and is dry and - STALE.

I decided that despite the weather conditions that I would spend some time outdoors, deeply and slowly filling my lungs with fresh air.

As if the universe was anxious to meet me, the winds today have been really high powered! I kept watching to make sure a tree branch did not fall on me.

This process reminded me of the most simple elements of life - food, water, air, shelter (warmth). These elemental things make up the life that we lead, yet we are often distracted by layers of noise.

Today's Suggested Intention: I will meditate on whatever is fresh and healthy and new that I can introduce into my day.

Today's Suggested Intention: I will breathe outdoors again before the sun sets, getting some fresh air into me to nourish me.

What will you do today to nourish a healthy body?

Day 22 of the 31 Day TLC Pledge

Many of us, when grieving, can be also suffering from residual physical conditions because our bodies have endured a shock. I, for one, had a great deal of adrenal fatigue from running as I took care of my dying husband and did not sleep hardly at all for about a month.

One can start to knit one's body back together again from adrenal fatigue. Simple changes such as more laughter (increases the parasympathetic supply to the adrenals), small breaks to lie down, increased relaxation, regular meals, exercise (avoiding any highly competitive events), early bedtimes and sleeping as long as one can whenever possible - can all benefit those experiencing adrenal fatigue.

A diet that would be conducive to treating adrenal fatigue includes one that combines unrefined carbohydrates (whole grains) with protein and oils (nuts and seeds) at most meals—olive, walnut, fiber, flax and high-quality fish oil. It is also important to eat regular meals, chew food well, and eat breakfast. Avoid any hydrogenated fats, caffeine, chocolate, white carbohydrates, and junk foods. Diets should have a heavy emphasis on vegetables.

Today's Suggested Intention: I will think on how I am treating myself through my diet.

Today's Suggested Action: I will menu plan for the next few days and make sure I am taking in good, healthy foods.

Day 21 of the 31 Day TLC Pledge

A MOVEMENT VACATION!

Our "monkey-mind" can take us on trips that we do not enjoy. These thoughts can make us physically ill, emotionally raw and spiritually depleted.

My Brian used to say that he needed a vacation from himself. At those moments he would do something totally different, even if it was only for a moment, to break the chain of mental fixation that he suffered from. He was a driven perfectionist - and I learned a lot from him about taking little "mini-vacations"!

Today's Suggested Intention: To consider how I can flow as prompted by music and be transported for a few moments.

Today's Suggested Action: I will dance to at least 1 song in my house today - maybe more.

Day 20 of the 31 Day TLC Pledge

MOVEMENT!

Sometimes the winter weather can make us sedentary. So can grief, so when they are coupled we can become as still as stone.

Sometimes, particularly if we were caregivers or have others that we need to care for, we push our bodies beyond reasonable limits and we may even take risks physically.

The commitment to move in a centered way will serve us. Some religious traditions use bodily movement as a metaphor for the spiritual and psychological movement that we are to engage in during the task of living.

If you have been too still or pushing yourself too hard physically, think about what it would mean to move bodily in a way that cares for yourself.

Today's Suggested Intention: I will think about how movement is integrated into my well-being.

Today's Suggested Action: I will take a walk around outside for 5 minutes every 2-3 hours.

Love,

Day 19 of the 31 Day TLC Pledge

Winter makes everything dry! The heat and cold is so drying. We can feel parched. This can mirror our hearts and souls. We can feel neglected, needing nurture.

My feet are often ignored. They can crack and bleed in the winter months. If my feet are in good shape, I know I am doing a good and thorough job of self care.

Perhaps you have a part of your body that is the last to receive attention. Your cuticles? Your teeth? Your skin? Your diet?

Whatever it is, when we are grieving - many of these parts of ourselves become neglected.

Here are a few prompts:

Drink more water than you think you need to today.
Stay away from lotions that contain alcohol. Even though they might smell great! They can foster increased dryness.
Self-administer regular stimulation to your skin with self-massage and generous quantities of oil and moisturizing lotion.

Men and women both might find a moisturizing mask helpful in the winter months:

Mask for Dry Skin
1 egg
1 teaspoon of honey,
1/2 teaspoon of olive oil
Mix the ingredients thoroughly and use as a mask.

Today's Suggested Intention: To look myself over to see if I am neglecting parts of my body and it's well-being and to consider what I can do to care for this part.

Today's Suggested Action: To make a mask and take 10 minutes to get some relief to my skin.

Love,

Day 18 of the 31 Day TLC Pledge

LIGHT FOR THE JOURNEY

Winter is dark in most places. Intermittent light might punch through gray skies.

I have seen an upturn in anxiety among the grieving people I connect with... I think the holidays and the aftermath are large influences and the upcoming holiday as well. Some have important dates in their loss stories that mingle in these days. But the snow. The deep and relentless snow! And the sky. And the early nightfall. All these and many other factors conspire to make us feel heavy and anxious and full of pain.

Light is a common symbol in numerous religious traditions, and that is no accident. Light gives us a sense of safety. It helps us immeasurably. Our ancestors had to think a lot more about light that we moderns do. So, to take time to consider light is something rare for most of us.

We have chosen to take a pledge

Not with words but with actions

Not with a nod of assent but in behavior

Not in thoughts but in deeds

We will give up our darkness today

To light a candle

We will give up our fear today

To provide home for the part of us that is destitute

We will give up our anxiety today

To see the ourselves have moments of peace

We invite light to break out around us

on us

in us

Light will go before us

We will find our joy in the light

We will mediate on the image of a well-lit path

We will be called repairers of broken lanterns

Together we will bask in light


Today's Suggested Intention: I will focus on any place where light is radiating wherever I go today as a symbol of hope in winter.

Today's Suggested Action: I will light candles or a fire or get full-spectrum light bulbs and get as much light into my space as I can.

Love,

Day 17 of the 31 Day TLC Pledge

Yesterday I had a very long talk with someone. We've only been working together for a few days, she is a longer-term employee than I... and she recounted how she struggled over many bumps both professionally and personally.


The main thing missing from her descriptions of her life and the harsh encounters with death and loss - was a sense of any good divine order to things. That there was some overarching good purpose to anything. For this young woman everything was random. And that made this world pretty difficult to negotiate.


She said that she could "believe" when things were going right. She is taking baby steps (as everyone should), and there is visible progress in her life.


No one can ever say they know what the future holds, but it is pretty reliable to assume that there are many more lessons to be learned. Our discussion ended with some sense of stepping into a mystery of life that included harsh moments rooted within an overarching positive purpose. I asked her to experiment with considering what it would mean to believe in some grander sense of benevolence. I will enjoy seeing what she does with these ideas.

Today's Suggested Intention: To walk through this day believing in myself and something larger than me that is in control with a benevolent purpose.


Today's Suggested Action: Getting to bed at a reasonable hour and taking extra C vitamins to bolster my immune system...


love,

Day 16 of the 31 Day TLC Pledge

Welcome!

So far a few of us have been on a 31 day pledge for taking care of ourselves with the knowledge that Valentines Day is coming.  

We have 17 days left and some people from the Open to Hope website may be joining us!

We are a group of bereaved people who are going to work through a personal pledge. Many people who are grieving find this holiday to be very difficult. The person that they love, to whom they would both give and receive loving acts, is now gone.

Our lives can seem more empty of both giving and receiving when a loved one has died. This can be extremely hard on us. Often the decrease of physical contact alone is enough to make us feel deprived.

That is what this pledge is about – we are going to increase the giving and receiving, first toward ourselves, knowing that we need more TLC in this time, and knowing that eventually we will pour out love towards others again.

We are pledging to love ourselves and treat ourselves with the self-same love that our departed loved one would have given us – or perhaps even better. Whatever this means to you. The love that we have shared with our departed loved ones still exists out in the universe, even if it is no longer in the corporal form that we are used to experiencing it in.

For those of you that are farther along in your bereavement, I am going to challenge you a little harder... if your bereavement is fresh or complicated, you have permission to do the reduced plan.

For the next 17 days DAILY we will do 5 things:

1. Commit to being mindful of love for yourself.

2. Manifest one act of loving kindness daily for yourself (whatever you wish it to be).

3. Deflect negative thoughts about any belief that your life lacks love.

4. Speak kind words to yourself and say three things that you are grateful for about yourself.

5. Take time to work on a personal plan for Valentines Day that will provide you with pampering and loving self-care.


Here is an example:


-- My intention today is that I will mindfully will call myself “sweetie”, as my beloved Brian often called me that.

-- My act of kindness to myself will be that I often have to talk a lot, so today I have committed to using few words, letting others figure things out and being more still. I will let the others around me know that I am doing this today so that they understand my use of few words.

-- When I find myself judging my appearance I will think of myself as “cute” and sweetie”, as my beloved Brian would refer to me that way. I am grateful for my feet (which have been called cute), my hair which is fun to play with and my eyes which are dark and interesting.

-- My plan for Valentines Day is to find an affordable but quality therapeutic massage service because I miss the physical affection that Brian always gave me, so I will continue to research this and try to make an appointment early.


If you need a reduced plan, for 17 days, will you do 2 things:

1. Commit to manifesting love for yourself.

2. Take time to work on a personal plan for Valentines Day that will provide you with pampering and loving self-care.


Each day I write a short mediation on mindful love toward yourself. You can write on your blogs or in the comments on my blog about what you are trying, how it is working and how you are planning to love yourself on Valentines Day or whatever else you want us to read.

WILL YOU TAKE THE PLEDGE?


IF SO, SIGN UP! CLICK HERE TO TAKE THE PLEDGE!

Love,