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| My husband died in June of 2008 of pancreatic cancer. |
Gatherings
Showing posts with label ALONE. Show all posts
Showing posts with label ALONE. Show all posts
Gathering Memories After The Loss Of A Partner
He Ain't Heavy, He's My Brother - Caretaking My Husband In Hospice
Last Sunday I hauled my tired and weary self to a local church wondering what might be there for me.
As a backdrop to this - I am sad to report that it has been a long time since I have been moved to weep at a Sunday service anywhere. Given that I have spent the last 3+ years traveling around the United States and actively grieving the loss of my soul mate, it seems like I would have cried often during church - generally, tears have not been in short supply. However, very few services have brought me to tears. I suspect this is an indication of how far away my life path has taken me from what a majority of what a church service is about. I have been in the slow grist of death and so much of church seems to be about being in the motion and details of undisturbed living.
But this Sunday, I wept.
Mid-way through the service, after an at-length apology about the lack of inclusive language, the choir sang a choral version of the song "He Ain't Heavy, He's My Brother."
This song has been around for many decades. I have heard it enough that I thought I knew most of the lyrics. But, now I am listening with new ears. The ears of a person that assisted someone in crossing over under hospice care.
When you agree to be a caregiver with hospice, you will find yourself doing many custodial tasks - lifting a person physically who can no longer stand on their own two feet. Feeding someone who can no longer hold a spoon. We trim, toilet and wash, comb and brush. We administer meds. And more importantly, we lend a watchful eye to insure the provision of a safe and loving environment for the dying to spend their final days in.
Upon hearing these lyrics, the clouds parted and I was hearing something about love, as if for the first time. There was a clarity of kindness, an honest recognition of the need of community and commitment in our places of being stripped down... the bonds that hold us together in our most fundamental weakness and strengths.
I recognized so much wisdom in the words - so I was determined to know who wrote this song.
There are a lot of details that I might say about the song's origins, but I would like to only focus on one factor - that one of the two co-authors of this song was dying of cancer of the lymph nodes.
Yet, the song is written from the perspective of the one that is able-bodied to assist. Perhaps the lyrics were written by the co-author who was healthy. I am uncertain. Yet, it seems to me that the song being birthed around the dying makes perfect sense. Perhaps this is why the song is so stripped down to the elemental of what rests between human beings. What I imagine - is when confronted by a person who is actively dying or when we are actively dying - that we finally understand what all humans need.
I am a widow. My husband died in June 2008. I miss him so. But, I would do it all over again.
The Lyrics:
The road is long
With many a winding turn
That leads us to who knows where
Who knows when
But I'm strong
Strong enough to carry him
He ain't heavy, he's my brother
So on we go
His welfare is of my concern
No burden is he to bear
We'll get there
For I know
He would not encumber me
He ain't heavy, he's my brother
If I'm laden at all
I'm laden with sadness
That everyone's heart
Isn't filled with the gladness
Of love for one another
It's a long, long road
From which there is no return
While we're on the way to there
Why not share
And the load
Doesn't weigh me down at all
He ain't heavy, he's my brother.
"He ain't heavy, he's my brother" is a statement of disputed origins, many tales around it's source are interesting. The statement is what is called a paraprosdokian - a phrasing where the second half of the phrase causes the listener to revisit and gain a different understanding of the first part of the phrase.
To illustrate, this is where the assumptive reasoning would take us upon hearing:
"He ain't heavy..."
"... he only weighs 180 pounds."
"... he lost a lost of weight."
"... he is only 5 years old."
Instead, we hear an unexpected reason for the ease of carrying the person...
"... he is my brother."
This is often a device of humor, seldom is it used for an emotionally moving sentence. In this phrase, it alerts us to the bond between human beings as the metric for when something is a burden or a sacred responsibility.
Brian was my life partner, and in that way I would call him a mate as well as a lover and a brother. In 2008, I joined thousands of people who choose the supporting structure of hospice care as a way to carry our brothers and sisters down a long road with many a winding turn , that leads to who knows where , who knows when. I have often said that helping Brian cross over with the least amount of pain and the most amount of love was the most sacred thing I have ever done in my life.
When I meet others that have been caregivers with hospice, there is a connection that occurs - because we know what it means to work to deliver a person to the other side with loving-kindness and peace. We share the art of dying with the nurses and doctors. We do not shrink away from caring for our beloved unto death.
Love,
Kim
As a backdrop to this - I am sad to report that it has been a long time since I have been moved to weep at a Sunday service anywhere. Given that I have spent the last 3+ years traveling around the United States and actively grieving the loss of my soul mate, it seems like I would have cried often during church - generally, tears have not been in short supply. However, very few services have brought me to tears. I suspect this is an indication of how far away my life path has taken me from what a majority of what a church service is about. I have been in the slow grist of death and so much of church seems to be about being in the motion and details of undisturbed living.
But this Sunday, I wept.
Mid-way through the service, after an at-length apology about the lack of inclusive language, the choir sang a choral version of the song "He Ain't Heavy, He's My Brother."
This song has been around for many decades. I have heard it enough that I thought I knew most of the lyrics. But, now I am listening with new ears. The ears of a person that assisted someone in crossing over under hospice care.
When you agree to be a caregiver with hospice, you will find yourself doing many custodial tasks - lifting a person physically who can no longer stand on their own two feet. Feeding someone who can no longer hold a spoon. We trim, toilet and wash, comb and brush. We administer meds. And more importantly, we lend a watchful eye to insure the provision of a safe and loving environment for the dying to spend their final days in.
Upon hearing these lyrics, the clouds parted and I was hearing something about love, as if for the first time. There was a clarity of kindness, an honest recognition of the need of community and commitment in our places of being stripped down... the bonds that hold us together in our most fundamental weakness and strengths.
I recognized so much wisdom in the words - so I was determined to know who wrote this song.
There are a lot of details that I might say about the song's origins, but I would like to only focus on one factor - that one of the two co-authors of this song was dying of cancer of the lymph nodes.
Yet, the song is written from the perspective of the one that is able-bodied to assist. Perhaps the lyrics were written by the co-author who was healthy. I am uncertain. Yet, it seems to me that the song being birthed around the dying makes perfect sense. Perhaps this is why the song is so stripped down to the elemental of what rests between human beings. What I imagine - is when confronted by a person who is actively dying or when we are actively dying - that we finally understand what all humans need.
 |
| My husband died in June of 2008 of pancreatic cancer. |
The Lyrics:
The road is long
With many a winding turn
That leads us to who knows where
Who knows when
But I'm strong
Strong enough to carry him
He ain't heavy, he's my brother
So on we go
His welfare is of my concern
No burden is he to bear
We'll get there
For I know
He would not encumber me
He ain't heavy, he's my brother
If I'm laden at all
I'm laden with sadness
That everyone's heart
Isn't filled with the gladness
Of love for one another
It's a long, long road
From which there is no return
While we're on the way to there
Why not share
And the load
Doesn't weigh me down at all
He ain't heavy, he's my brother.
"He ain't heavy, he's my brother" is a statement of disputed origins, many tales around it's source are interesting. The statement is what is called a paraprosdokian - a phrasing where the second half of the phrase causes the listener to revisit and gain a different understanding of the first part of the phrase.
To illustrate, this is where the assumptive reasoning would take us upon hearing:
"He ain't heavy..."
"... he only weighs 180 pounds."
"... he lost a lost of weight."
"... he is only 5 years old."
Instead, we hear an unexpected reason for the ease of carrying the person...
"... he is my brother."
This is often a device of humor, seldom is it used for an emotionally moving sentence. In this phrase, it alerts us to the bond between human beings as the metric for when something is a burden or a sacred responsibility.
Brian was my life partner, and in that way I would call him a mate as well as a lover and a brother. In 2008, I joined thousands of people who choose the supporting structure of hospice care as a way to carry our brothers and sisters down a long road with many a winding turn , that leads to who knows where , who knows when. I have often said that helping Brian cross over with the least amount of pain and the most amount of love was the most sacred thing I have ever done in my life.
When I meet others that have been caregivers with hospice, there is a connection that occurs - because we know what it means to work to deliver a person to the other side with loving-kindness and peace. We share the art of dying with the nurses and doctors. We do not shrink away from caring for our beloved unto death.
And when people voice how frightening, how hard and awful that might be, I can honestly say that it is awful and hard - but I would do it again for Brian or anyone else that I cared for. Because helping someone die surrounded by safety and peace - as much as is possible - is what we do when we love each other.
 |
| Brian actively dying from pancreatic cancer |
Love,
Kim
The Power of Expression in Grieving
These things bear repeating until we learn them like a childhood song.
Ancient wisdom and modern science both encourage us to be expressive when we are grieving.
MRI (magnetic resonance imaging) research reveals that the brain’s blood flow changes with emotional stress. Blood flows away from the left side – the logic, detail and language center. It flows toward the right side, where feeling, symbols and imagination reside.
Perhaps the body needs more than logic and language during stressful events.
There is a story about the children who survived the 2004 Indian Ocean tsunami and their residual terror of the ocean. For months, nothing counselors did could pierce the children’s fears of the waves. Finally, they had the children draw simple pictures of their experience. At the end of the day, the children spontaneously held hands and joyfully ran into the ocean waves together, thus reclaiming the ocean through the power of their drawings.
A UCLA study found that putting feelings into simple words has therapeutic results. When we are stressed a region of the brain called the amygdala is activated thereby initiating many protective biological functions. Neuroimaging indicates that by simply saying a descriptive word about the upsetting feeling you can lightly tap the brakes on those biological responses, making the feelings more physically manageable.
This is similar to ancient “mindfulness” techniques – which are simply the practice of paying attention to what is present and allowing thoughts and sensations without passing judgment or reacting. For example, saying, “I feel angry,” “I feel fear,” or “This is peace.” The result is a “centering” effect.
When you are in a wave of grief, consider simply saying, “I grieve,”, or “My grief is like….” Also, try to take time to do a simple drawing about your grief. You need NOT be an artist to do this.
Here are a few descriptors some people have used:
My grief is like…
… a never-ending stairway, endless closed doors, a mountain range, pounding waves, a marathon, a labyrinth, a house of mirrors, a maze, a vacuum, an octopus, a desert without water or companions.
… a thief, being stalked by a murderer, a tornado, an earthquake, broken bones, boiling, burning, a minefield, shattering glass, a knife, a bomb, being thrown off a horse.
… a river, a cloud, fog, an onion, a heavy blanket, being lost, shadows, marbles hitting the floor.
By selecting one word or description and speaking and/or drawing it, you have become armed with simple art and simple words. You begin to unlock your grief and move toward your healing. Remember: Your story has power.
Love, Kim
Ancient wisdom and modern science both encourage us to be expressive when we are grieving.
MRI (magnetic resonance imaging) research reveals that the brain’s blood flow changes with emotional stress. Blood flows away from the left side – the logic, detail and language center. It flows toward the right side, where feeling, symbols and imagination reside.
Perhaps the body needs more than logic and language during stressful events.
There is a story about the children who survived the 2004 Indian Ocean tsunami and their residual terror of the ocean. For months, nothing counselors did could pierce the children’s fears of the waves. Finally, they had the children draw simple pictures of their experience. At the end of the day, the children spontaneously held hands and joyfully ran into the ocean waves together, thus reclaiming the ocean through the power of their drawings.
A UCLA study found that putting feelings into simple words has therapeutic results. When we are stressed a region of the brain called the amygdala is activated thereby initiating many protective biological functions. Neuroimaging indicates that by simply saying a descriptive word about the upsetting feeling you can lightly tap the brakes on those biological responses, making the feelings more physically manageable.
This is similar to ancient “mindfulness” techniques – which are simply the practice of paying attention to what is present and allowing thoughts and sensations without passing judgment or reacting. For example, saying, “I feel angry,” “I feel fear,” or “This is peace.” The result is a “centering” effect.
When you are in a wave of grief, consider simply saying, “I grieve,”, or “My grief is like….” Also, try to take time to do a simple drawing about your grief. You need NOT be an artist to do this.
Here are a few descriptors some people have used:
My grief is like…
… a never-ending stairway, endless closed doors, a mountain range, pounding waves, a marathon, a labyrinth, a house of mirrors, a maze, a vacuum, an octopus, a desert without water or companions.
… a thief, being stalked by a murderer, a tornado, an earthquake, broken bones, boiling, burning, a minefield, shattering glass, a knife, a bomb, being thrown off a horse.
… a river, a cloud, fog, an onion, a heavy blanket, being lost, shadows, marbles hitting the floor.
By selecting one word or description and speaking and/or drawing it, you have become armed with simple art and simple words. You begin to unlock your grief and move toward your healing. Remember: Your story has power.
Love, Kim
Day 31 of the 31 Day TLC Pledge
Beloveds...
Today, I am getting my massage later. I have decided to make some "I love you" calls to people that I think could use it, knowing that it will benefit my spirit as well to do so.
What ways are you showing love for yourself and others who need it today?
I Love You!
LOVE, LOVE, LOVE!
Today, I am getting my massage later. I have decided to make some "I love you" calls to people that I think could use it, knowing that it will benefit my spirit as well to do so.
What ways are you showing love for yourself and others who need it today?
I Love You!
LOVE, LOVE, LOVE!
Day 30 of the 31 Day TLC Pledge
TO DOs!
A to-do list on Valentine’s Day:
1. Eat something special (For me, Vietnamese Pho)
2. Listen to your favorite music (For me, Sarah McLachlan seems good right now)
3. Take a luxurious bath or shower (It will have to be a shower, but I will get something special for the shower)
4. Buy yourself a flower (I will go and see what is pretty, I am not a huge rose fan, I like more relaxed flower forms)
5. Order food in (I will order a Chinese Wonton Salad to be delivered)
6. Watch my favorite movie (For me, I think I will watch "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button")
7. Read a favorite poem or prose (For me, Mary Oliver)
8. Dress in something that makes you feel good (For me, it is my smocked top and pant outfit)
Hope you are working on YOUR list.
A to-do list on Valentine’s Day:
1. Eat something special (For me, Vietnamese Pho)
2. Listen to your favorite music (For me, Sarah McLachlan seems good right now)
3. Take a luxurious bath or shower (It will have to be a shower, but I will get something special for the shower)
4. Buy yourself a flower (I will go and see what is pretty, I am not a huge rose fan, I like more relaxed flower forms)
5. Order food in (I will order a Chinese Wonton Salad to be delivered)
6. Watch my favorite movie (For me, I think I will watch "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button")
7. Read a favorite poem or prose (For me, Mary Oliver)
8. Dress in something that makes you feel good (For me, it is my smocked top and pant outfit)
Hope you are working on YOUR list.
Day 29 of the 31 Day TLC Pledge
I am still sick!
I am going to get a chair massage today, to add to my self-care plans.
Since my brain is so fuzzy with being congested, I will merely share with you what I am meditating on today:
"You do not do the work of changing," says poet David Whyte. "You feed and nourish your longing in whatever way you can and then the longing does the work."
What are you doing to feed and nourish your longing? If your longing is for the departed one in your life, what can you do to feed and nourish that space?
Love,
I am going to get a chair massage today, to add to my self-care plans.
Since my brain is so fuzzy with being congested, I will merely share with you what I am meditating on today:
"You do not do the work of changing," says poet David Whyte. "You feed and nourish your longing in whatever way you can and then the longing does the work."
What are you doing to feed and nourish your longing? If your longing is for the departed one in your life, what can you do to feed and nourish that space?
Love,
Day 28 of the 31 Day TLC Pledge
We are so close to Valentine's Day - it is winding down...
I am struggling with a really bad cold. So my posts have been mostly poems because I am on Nyquil and it makes me stupid. Taking care of myself right now = sleep, kleenex with LOTION, aloe vera saline gel for my nose, tea, dvds, youtube, instant messages and more sleep.
So, I humbly offer a great poem for me today:
Go hang yourself, you old M.D.!
You shall not sneer at me.
Pick up your hat and stethoscope,
Go wash your mouth with laundry soap;
I contemplate a joy exquisite
I'm not paying you for your visit.
I did not call you to be told
My malady is a common cold.
By pounding brow and swollen lip;
By fever's hot and scaly grip;
By those two red redundant eyes
That weep like woeful April skies;
By racking snuffle, snort, and sniff;
By handkerchief after handkerchief;
This cold you wave away as naught
Is the damnedest cold man ever caught!
Give ear, you scientific fossil!
Here is the genuine Cold Colossal;
The Cold of which researchers dream,
The Perfect Cold, the Cold Supreme.
This honored system humbly holds
The Super-cold to end all colds;
The Cold Crusading for Democracy;
The Führer of the Streptococcracy.
Bacilli swarm within my portals
Such as were ne'er conceived by mortals,
But bred by scientists wise and hoary
In some Olympic laboratory;
Bacteria as large as mice,
With feet of fire and heads of ice
Who never interrupt for slumber
Their stamping elephantine rumba.
A common cold, gadzooks, forsooth!
Ah, yes. And Lincoln was jostled by Booth;
Don Juan was a budding gallant,
And Shakespeare's plays show signs of talent;
The Arctic winter is fairly coolish,
And your diagnosis is fairly foolish.
Oh what a derision history holds
For the man who belittled the Cold of Colds!
Ogden Nash
What would be a good poem for YOU today?
Love,
I am struggling with a really bad cold. So my posts have been mostly poems because I am on Nyquil and it makes me stupid. Taking care of myself right now = sleep, kleenex with LOTION, aloe vera saline gel for my nose, tea, dvds, youtube, instant messages and more sleep.
So, I humbly offer a great poem for me today:
Go hang yourself, you old M.D.!
You shall not sneer at me.
Pick up your hat and stethoscope,
Go wash your mouth with laundry soap;
I contemplate a joy exquisite
I'm not paying you for your visit.
I did not call you to be told
My malady is a common cold.
By pounding brow and swollen lip;
By fever's hot and scaly grip;
By those two red redundant eyes
That weep like woeful April skies;
By racking snuffle, snort, and sniff;
By handkerchief after handkerchief;
This cold you wave away as naught
Is the damnedest cold man ever caught!
Give ear, you scientific fossil!
Here is the genuine Cold Colossal;
The Cold of which researchers dream,
The Perfect Cold, the Cold Supreme.
This honored system humbly holds
The Super-cold to end all colds;
The Cold Crusading for Democracy;
The Führer of the Streptococcracy.
Bacilli swarm within my portals
Such as were ne'er conceived by mortals,
But bred by scientists wise and hoary
In some Olympic laboratory;
Bacteria as large as mice,
With feet of fire and heads of ice
Who never interrupt for slumber
Their stamping elephantine rumba.
A common cold, gadzooks, forsooth!
Ah, yes. And Lincoln was jostled by Booth;
Don Juan was a budding gallant,
And Shakespeare's plays show signs of talent;
The Arctic winter is fairly coolish,
And your diagnosis is fairly foolish.
Oh what a derision history holds
For the man who belittled the Cold of Colds!
Ogden Nash
What would be a good poem for YOU today?
Love,
Day 28 of the 31 Day TLC Pledge
Nurture
By Maxine Kumin
From a documentary on marsupials I learn
that a pillowcase makes a fine
substitute pouch for an orphaned kangaroo.
I am drawn to such dramas of animal rescue.
They are warm in the throat. I suffer, the critic proclaims,
from an overabundance of maternal genes.
Bring me your fallen fledgling, your bummer lamb,
lead the abused, the starvelings, into my barn.
Advise the hunted deer to leap into my corn.
And had there been a wild child—
filthy and fierce as a ferret, he is called
in one nineteenth-century account—
a wild child to love, it is safe to assume,
given my fireside inked with paw prints,
there would have been room.
Think of the language we two, same and not-same,
might have constructed from sign,
scratch, grimace, grunt, vowel:
Laughter our first noun, and our long verb, howl.
What nurturing pouch will you make for yourself today?
love,
By Maxine Kumin
From a documentary on marsupials I learn
that a pillowcase makes a fine
substitute pouch for an orphaned kangaroo.
I am drawn to such dramas of animal rescue.
They are warm in the throat. I suffer, the critic proclaims,
from an overabundance of maternal genes.
Bring me your fallen fledgling, your bummer lamb,
lead the abused, the starvelings, into my barn.
Advise the hunted deer to leap into my corn.
And had there been a wild child—
filthy and fierce as a ferret, he is called
in one nineteenth-century account—
a wild child to love, it is safe to assume,
given my fireside inked with paw prints,
there would have been room.
Think of the language we two, same and not-same,
might have constructed from sign,
scratch, grimace, grunt, vowel:
Laughter our first noun, and our long verb, howl.
What nurturing pouch will you make for yourself today?
love,
Day 27 of the 31 Day TLC Pledge
"NEEDS AND NURTURE" by Kate
I wait in this dark and silent place
With no air, no space
In which to spread my smothered roots,
Pungent and stale the earth
In need of the season of re-birth.
Suddenly - movement - someone is near,
Perhaps my stifled cries to hear,
A rush of air and into the light,
Gentle hands lift, caress and weave
My stems, my arms, my leaves.
I am laid down into warm new soil -
Fresh, moist- gradually I uncoil
My tangled roots, reaching out,
I am cocooned, touching virgin loam
Which surrounds me in this new home.
In return for kind nurture I reveal rewards
Of heart-shaped leaves, stems like swords,
Bell-like blossoms swinging, ringing in
The vibes of my joy at being given
The chance to survive, to grow and go on living.
What will you do for yourself today to grow and go on living?
love,
I wait in this dark and silent place
With no air, no space
In which to spread my smothered roots,
Pungent and stale the earth
In need of the season of re-birth.
Suddenly - movement - someone is near,
Perhaps my stifled cries to hear,
A rush of air and into the light,
Gentle hands lift, caress and weave
My stems, my arms, my leaves.
I am laid down into warm new soil -
Fresh, moist- gradually I uncoil
My tangled roots, reaching out,
I am cocooned, touching virgin loam
Which surrounds me in this new home.
In return for kind nurture I reveal rewards
Of heart-shaped leaves, stems like swords,
Bell-like blossoms swinging, ringing in
The vibes of my joy at being given
The chance to survive, to grow and go on living.
What will you do for yourself today to grow and go on living?
love,
Day 26 of the 31 Day TLC Pledge
Today, I am prompted to think more on the body because I am fighting off the cold that has nailed everyone here. I was one of the last to catch it - which is telling me that my self-care is good. Someone who is grieving who has a good immune defense - that is a signal that I am taking good care of myself. Now, this cold has finally tried to move in, causing me to need rest and supplements.
How does your body communicate with you? How often do you pause to really listen to the messages your body sends you?
Your body can offer you two types of intelligence:
* Signals and indications about what is healthy.
* Intuitive information and guidance about direction and choices.
Sometimes your body speaks in an increasing volume and you still ignore the messages. You might notice a vague discomfort or, you forget to listen to your body’s signals until you finally get sick or are too exhausted to function.
Admittedly, you might not want to listen. If you are invested in busy - ness and stress, you might actually resent your body's limitations.
Can you rebel without paying a dear price?
Every day, hour and minute we can engage the wisdom that our body offers. Once you make the commitment to being mindful, you will find that pain and anxiety decrease. Your body will not have to talk so loudly!
What signals have you been ignoring? Pause and listen to your body right now. What do you need? It might be as simple as a glass of water or as life changing as a new vocation.
Remember, listening to your body is being loving to yourself.
Today's Suggested Intention: I will check in with my body often today and listen to it's wisdom.
Today's Suggested Action: Look for a time to take a nap or at least rest in a deep way for 20 minutes.
What was your action today?
Love,
How does your body communicate with you? How often do you pause to really listen to the messages your body sends you?
Your body can offer you two types of intelligence:
* Signals and indications about what is healthy.
* Intuitive information and guidance about direction and choices.
Sometimes your body speaks in an increasing volume and you still ignore the messages. You might notice a vague discomfort or, you forget to listen to your body’s signals until you finally get sick or are too exhausted to function.
Admittedly, you might not want to listen. If you are invested in busy - ness and stress, you might actually resent your body's limitations.
Can you rebel without paying a dear price?
Every day, hour and minute we can engage the wisdom that our body offers. Once you make the commitment to being mindful, you will find that pain and anxiety decrease. Your body will not have to talk so loudly!
What signals have you been ignoring? Pause and listen to your body right now. What do you need? It might be as simple as a glass of water or as life changing as a new vocation.
Remember, listening to your body is being loving to yourself.
Today's Suggested Intention: I will check in with my body often today and listen to it's wisdom.
Today's Suggested Action: Look for a time to take a nap or at least rest in a deep way for 20 minutes.
What was your action today?
Love,
Day 25 of the 31 Day TLC Pledge
Vaga Luma
This is a final project - a proposed website (yet to exist) for experiential sharing and preservation of memories from the user's deceased family members, relatives and friends, an interactive gallery of remembrance and immortalize.
This project is intended to illustrate how private, personal memories become perceptible, alive with color, sound and motion, and show the connections between a deceased person and the memories his loved ones have from him.
You can view a live demo of this project in English or Hebrew on Vimeo. SEE THE VIDEO HERE.
Today - think of how you can bring creativity to your remembrance and act on it!
See her website HERE.
Love,
This is a final project - a proposed website (yet to exist) for experiential sharing and preservation of memories from the user's deceased family members, relatives and friends, an interactive gallery of remembrance and immortalize.
This project is intended to illustrate how private, personal memories become perceptible, alive with color, sound and motion, and show the connections between a deceased person and the memories his loved ones have from him.
You can view a live demo of this project in English or Hebrew on Vimeo. SEE THE VIDEO HERE.
Today - think of how you can bring creativity to your remembrance and act on it!
See her website HERE.
Love,
Day 24 of the 31 Day TLC Pledge
WOW!
Day 24!
It is moving along - when you count the days in this way time seems to be flying! We only have 1 week to go for Valentines Day.
Today I became aware of how being indoors in the winter means you have stale air around you. You breathe the same air over and over and it goes through a furnace and is dry and - STALE.
I decided that despite the weather conditions that I would spend some time outdoors, deeply and slowly filling my lungs with fresh air.
As if the universe was anxious to meet me, the winds today have been really high powered! I kept watching to make sure a tree branch did not fall on me.
This process reminded me of the most simple elements of life - food, water, air, shelter (warmth). These elemental things make up the life that we lead, yet we are often distracted by layers of noise.
Today's Suggested Intention: I will meditate on whatever is fresh and healthy and new that I can introduce into my day.
Today's Suggested Intention: I will breathe outdoors again before the sun sets, getting some fresh air into me to nourish me.
What will you do today to nourish a healthy body?
Day 24!
It is moving along - when you count the days in this way time seems to be flying! We only have 1 week to go for Valentines Day.
Today I became aware of how being indoors in the winter means you have stale air around you. You breathe the same air over and over and it goes through a furnace and is dry and - STALE.
I decided that despite the weather conditions that I would spend some time outdoors, deeply and slowly filling my lungs with fresh air.
As if the universe was anxious to meet me, the winds today have been really high powered! I kept watching to make sure a tree branch did not fall on me.
This process reminded me of the most simple elements of life - food, water, air, shelter (warmth). These elemental things make up the life that we lead, yet we are often distracted by layers of noise.
Today's Suggested Intention: I will meditate on whatever is fresh and healthy and new that I can introduce into my day.
Today's Suggested Intention: I will breathe outdoors again before the sun sets, getting some fresh air into me to nourish me.
What will you do today to nourish a healthy body?
Day 22 of the 31 Day TLC Pledge
Many of us, when grieving, can be also suffering from residual physical conditions because our bodies have endured a shock. I, for one, had a great deal of adrenal fatigue from running as I took care of my dying husband and did not sleep hardly at all for about a month.
One can start to knit one's body back together again from adrenal fatigue. Simple changes such as more laughter (increases the parasympathetic supply to the adrenals), small breaks to lie down, increased relaxation, regular meals, exercise (avoiding any highly competitive events), early bedtimes and sleeping as long as one can whenever possible - can all benefit those experiencing adrenal fatigue.
A diet that would be conducive to treating adrenal fatigue includes one that combines unrefined carbohydrates (whole grains) with protein and oils (nuts and seeds) at most meals—olive, walnut, fiber, flax and high-quality fish oil. It is also important to eat regular meals, chew food well, and eat breakfast. Avoid any hydrogenated fats, caffeine, chocolate, white carbohydrates, and junk foods. Diets should have a heavy emphasis on vegetables.
Today's Suggested Intention: I will think on how I am treating myself through my diet.
Today's Suggested Action: I will menu plan for the next few days and make sure I am taking in good, healthy foods.
One can start to knit one's body back together again from adrenal fatigue. Simple changes such as more laughter (increases the parasympathetic supply to the adrenals), small breaks to lie down, increased relaxation, regular meals, exercise (avoiding any highly competitive events), early bedtimes and sleeping as long as one can whenever possible - can all benefit those experiencing adrenal fatigue.
A diet that would be conducive to treating adrenal fatigue includes one that combines unrefined carbohydrates (whole grains) with protein and oils (nuts and seeds) at most meals—olive, walnut, fiber, flax and high-quality fish oil. It is also important to eat regular meals, chew food well, and eat breakfast. Avoid any hydrogenated fats, caffeine, chocolate, white carbohydrates, and junk foods. Diets should have a heavy emphasis on vegetables.
Today's Suggested Intention: I will think on how I am treating myself through my diet.
Today's Suggested Action: I will menu plan for the next few days and make sure I am taking in good, healthy foods.
Day 21 of the 31 Day TLC Pledge
A MOVEMENT VACATION!
Our "monkey-mind" can take us on trips that we do not enjoy. These thoughts can make us physically ill, emotionally raw and spiritually depleted.
My Brian used to say that he needed a vacation from himself. At those moments he would do something totally different, even if it was only for a moment, to break the chain of mental fixation that he suffered from. He was a driven perfectionist - and I learned a lot from him about taking little "mini-vacations"!
Today's Suggested Intention: To consider how I can flow as prompted by music and be transported for a few moments.
Today's Suggested Action: I will dance to at least 1 song in my house today - maybe more.
Our "monkey-mind" can take us on trips that we do not enjoy. These thoughts can make us physically ill, emotionally raw and spiritually depleted.
My Brian used to say that he needed a vacation from himself. At those moments he would do something totally different, even if it was only for a moment, to break the chain of mental fixation that he suffered from. He was a driven perfectionist - and I learned a lot from him about taking little "mini-vacations"!
Today's Suggested Intention: To consider how I can flow as prompted by music and be transported for a few moments.
Today's Suggested Action: I will dance to at least 1 song in my house today - maybe more.
Day 20 of the 31 Day TLC Pledge
MOVEMENT!
Sometimes the winter weather can make us sedentary. So can grief, so when they are coupled we can become as still as stone.
Sometimes, particularly if we were caregivers or have others that we need to care for, we push our bodies beyond reasonable limits and we may even take risks physically.
The commitment to move in a centered way will serve us. Some religious traditions use bodily movement as a metaphor for the spiritual and psychological movement that we are to engage in during the task of living.
If you have been too still or pushing yourself too hard physically, think about what it would mean to move bodily in a way that cares for yourself.
Today's Suggested Intention: I will think about how movement is integrated into my well-being.
Today's Suggested Action: I will take a walk around outside for 5 minutes every 2-3 hours.
Love,
Sometimes the winter weather can make us sedentary. So can grief, so when they are coupled we can become as still as stone.
Sometimes, particularly if we were caregivers or have others that we need to care for, we push our bodies beyond reasonable limits and we may even take risks physically.
The commitment to move in a centered way will serve us. Some religious traditions use bodily movement as a metaphor for the spiritual and psychological movement that we are to engage in during the task of living.
If you have been too still or pushing yourself too hard physically, think about what it would mean to move bodily in a way that cares for yourself.
Today's Suggested Intention: I will think about how movement is integrated into my well-being.
Today's Suggested Action: I will take a walk around outside for 5 minutes every 2-3 hours.
Day 19 of the 31 Day TLC Pledge
Winter makes everything dry! The heat and cold is so drying. We can feel parched. This can mirror our hearts and souls. We can feel neglected, needing nurture.
My feet are often ignored. They can crack and bleed in the winter months. If my feet are in good shape, I know I am doing a good and thorough job of self care.
Perhaps you have a part of your body that is the last to receive attention. Your cuticles? Your teeth? Your skin? Your diet?
Whatever it is, when we are grieving - many of these parts of ourselves become neglected.
Here are a few prompts:
Today's Suggested Action: To make a mask and take 10 minutes to get some relief to my skin.
Love,
My feet are often ignored. They can crack and bleed in the winter months. If my feet are in good shape, I know I am doing a good and thorough job of self care.
Perhaps you have a part of your body that is the last to receive attention. Your cuticles? Your teeth? Your skin? Your diet?
Whatever it is, when we are grieving - many of these parts of ourselves become neglected.
Here are a few prompts:
Drink more water than you think you need to today.Men and women both might find a moisturizing mask helpful in the winter months:
Stay away from lotions that contain alcohol. Even though they might smell great! They can foster increased dryness.
Self-administer regular stimulation to your skin with self-massage and generous quantities of oil and moisturizing lotion.
Mask for Dry SkinToday's Suggested Intention: To look myself over to see if I am neglecting parts of my body and it's well-being and to consider what I can do to care for this part.
1 egg
1 teaspoon of honey,
1/2 teaspoon of olive oil
Mix the ingredients thoroughly and use as a mask.
Today's Suggested Action: To make a mask and take 10 minutes to get some relief to my skin.
Love,
Day 18 of the 31 Day TLC Pledge
LIGHT FOR THE JOURNEY
Winter is dark in most places. Intermittent light might punch through gray skies.
I have seen an upturn in anxiety among the grieving people I connect with... I think the holidays and the aftermath are large influences and the upcoming holiday as well. Some have important dates in their loss stories that mingle in these days. But the snow. The deep and relentless snow! And the sky. And the early nightfall. All these and many other factors conspire to make us feel heavy and anxious and full of pain.
Light is a common symbol in numerous religious traditions, and that is no accident. Light gives us a sense of safety. It helps us immeasurably. Our ancestors had to think a lot more about light that we moderns do. So, to take time to consider light is something rare for most of us.
We have chosen to take a pledge
Not with words but with actions
Not with a nod of assent but in behavior
Not in thoughts but in deeds
We will give up our darkness today
To light a candle
We will give up our fear today
To provide home for the part of us that is destitute
We will give up our anxiety today
To see the ourselves have moments of peace
We invite light to break out around us
on us
in us
Light will go before us
We will find our joy in the light
We will mediate on the image of a well-lit path
We will be called repairers of broken lanterns
Together we will bask in light
Today's Suggested Intention: I will focus on any place where light is radiating wherever I go today as a symbol of hope in winter.
Today's Suggested Action: I will light candles or a fire or get full-spectrum light bulbs and get as much light into my space as I can.
Love,
Winter is dark in most places. Intermittent light might punch through gray skies.
I have seen an upturn in anxiety among the grieving people I connect with... I think the holidays and the aftermath are large influences and the upcoming holiday as well. Some have important dates in their loss stories that mingle in these days. But the snow. The deep and relentless snow! And the sky. And the early nightfall. All these and many other factors conspire to make us feel heavy and anxious and full of pain.
Light is a common symbol in numerous religious traditions, and that is no accident. Light gives us a sense of safety. It helps us immeasurably. Our ancestors had to think a lot more about light that we moderns do. So, to take time to consider light is something rare for most of us.
We have chosen to take a pledge
Not with words but with actions
Not with a nod of assent but in behavior
Not in thoughts but in deeds
We will give up our darkness today
To light a candle
We will give up our fear today
To provide home for the part of us that is destitute
We will give up our anxiety today
To see the ourselves have moments of peace
We invite light to break out around us
on us
in us
Light will go before us
We will find our joy in the light
We will mediate on the image of a well-lit path
We will be called repairers of broken lanterns
Together we will bask in light
Today's Suggested Intention: I will focus on any place where light is radiating wherever I go today as a symbol of hope in winter.
Today's Suggested Action: I will light candles or a fire or get full-spectrum light bulbs and get as much light into my space as I can.
Love,
Day 17 of the 31 Day TLC Pledge
Yesterday I had a very long talk with someone. We've only been working together for a few days, she is a longer-term employee than I... and she recounted how she struggled over many bumps both professionally and personally.
The main thing missing from her descriptions of her life and the harsh encounters with death and loss - was a sense of any good divine order to things. That there was some overarching good purpose to anything. For this young woman everything was random. And that made this world pretty difficult to negotiate.
She said that she could "believe" when things were going right. She is taking baby steps (as everyone should), and there is visible progress in her life.
No one can ever say they know what the future holds, but it is pretty reliable to assume that there are many more lessons to be learned. Our discussion ended with some sense of stepping into a mystery of life that included harsh moments rooted within an overarching positive purpose. I asked her to experiment with considering what it would mean to believe in some grander sense of benevolence. I will enjoy seeing what she does with these ideas.
Today's Suggested Intention: To walk through this day believing in myself and something larger than me that is in control with a benevolent purpose.
Today's Suggested Action: Getting to bed at a reasonable hour and taking extra C vitamins to bolster my immune system...
love,
The main thing missing from her descriptions of her life and the harsh encounters with death and loss - was a sense of any good divine order to things. That there was some overarching good purpose to anything. For this young woman everything was random. And that made this world pretty difficult to negotiate.
She said that she could "believe" when things were going right. She is taking baby steps (as everyone should), and there is visible progress in her life.
No one can ever say they know what the future holds, but it is pretty reliable to assume that there are many more lessons to be learned. Our discussion ended with some sense of stepping into a mystery of life that included harsh moments rooted within an overarching positive purpose. I asked her to experiment with considering what it would mean to believe in some grander sense of benevolence. I will enjoy seeing what she does with these ideas.
Today's Suggested Intention: To walk through this day believing in myself and something larger than me that is in control with a benevolent purpose.
Today's Suggested Action: Getting to bed at a reasonable hour and taking extra C vitamins to bolster my immune system...
love,
Day 16 of the 31 Day TLC Pledge
Welcome!
So far a few of us have been on a 31 day pledge for taking care of ourselves with the knowledge that Valentines Day is coming.
We have 17 days left and some people from the Open to Hope website may be joining us!
We are a group of bereaved people who are going to work through a personal pledge. Many people who are grieving find this holiday to be very difficult. The person that they love, to whom they would both give and receive loving acts, is now gone.
Our lives can seem more empty of both giving and receiving when a loved one has died. This can be extremely hard on us. Often the decrease of physical contact alone is enough to make us feel deprived.
That is what this pledge is about – we are going to increase the giving and receiving, first toward ourselves, knowing that we need more TLC in this time, and knowing that eventually we will pour out love towards others again.
We are pledging to love ourselves and treat ourselves with the self-same love that our departed loved one would have given us – or perhaps even better. Whatever this means to you. The love that we have shared with our departed loved ones still exists out in the universe, even if it is no longer in the corporal form that we are used to experiencing it in.
For those of you that are farther along in your bereavement, I am going to challenge you a little harder... if your bereavement is fresh or complicated, you have permission to do the reduced plan.
For the next 17 days DAILY we will do 5 things:
1. Commit to being mindful of love for yourself.
2. Manifest one act of loving kindness daily for yourself (whatever you wish it to be).
3. Deflect negative thoughts about any belief that your life lacks love.
4. Speak kind words to yourself and say three things that you are grateful for about yourself.
5. Take time to work on a personal plan for Valentines Day that will provide you with pampering and loving self-care.
Here is an example:
-- My intention today is that I will mindfully will call myself “sweetie”, as my beloved Brian often called me that.
-- My act of kindness to myself will be that I often have to talk a lot, so today I have committed to using few words, letting others figure things out and being more still. I will let the others around me know that I am doing this today so that they understand my use of few words.
-- When I find myself judging my appearance I will think of myself as “cute” and sweetie”, as my beloved Brian would refer to me that way. I am grateful for my feet (which have been called cute), my hair which is fun to play with and my eyes which are dark and interesting.
-- My plan for Valentines Day is to find an affordable but quality therapeutic massage service because I miss the physical affection that Brian always gave me, so I will continue to research this and try to make an appointment early.
If you need a reduced plan, for 17 days, will you do 2 things:
1. Commit to manifesting love for yourself.
2. Take time to work on a personal plan for Valentines Day that will provide you with pampering and loving self-care.
Each day I write a short mediation on mindful love toward yourself. You can write on your blogs or in the comments on my blog about what you are trying, how it is working and how you are planning to love yourself on Valentines Day or whatever else you want us to read.
WILL YOU TAKE THE PLEDGE?
IF SO, SIGN UP! CLICK HERE TO TAKE THE PLEDGE!
Love,
So far a few of us have been on a 31 day pledge for taking care of ourselves with the knowledge that Valentines Day is coming.
We have 17 days left and some people from the Open to Hope website may be joining us!
We are a group of bereaved people who are going to work through a personal pledge. Many people who are grieving find this holiday to be very difficult. The person that they love, to whom they would both give and receive loving acts, is now gone.
Our lives can seem more empty of both giving and receiving when a loved one has died. This can be extremely hard on us. Often the decrease of physical contact alone is enough to make us feel deprived.
We are pledging to love ourselves and treat ourselves with the self-same love that our departed loved one would have given us – or perhaps even better. Whatever this means to you. The love that we have shared with our departed loved ones still exists out in the universe, even if it is no longer in the corporal form that we are used to experiencing it in.
For those of you that are farther along in your bereavement, I am going to challenge you a little harder... if your bereavement is fresh or complicated, you have permission to do the reduced plan.
For the next 17 days DAILY we will do 5 things:
1. Commit to being mindful of love for yourself.
2. Manifest one act of loving kindness daily for yourself (whatever you wish it to be).
3. Deflect negative thoughts about any belief that your life lacks love.
4. Speak kind words to yourself and say three things that you are grateful for about yourself.
5. Take time to work on a personal plan for Valentines Day that will provide you with pampering and loving self-care.
Here is an example:
-- My intention today is that I will mindfully will call myself “sweetie”, as my beloved Brian often called me that.
-- My act of kindness to myself will be that I often have to talk a lot, so today I have committed to using few words, letting others figure things out and being more still. I will let the others around me know that I am doing this today so that they understand my use of few words.
-- When I find myself judging my appearance I will think of myself as “cute” and sweetie”, as my beloved Brian would refer to me that way. I am grateful for my feet (which have been called cute), my hair which is fun to play with and my eyes which are dark and interesting.
-- My plan for Valentines Day is to find an affordable but quality therapeutic massage service because I miss the physical affection that Brian always gave me, so I will continue to research this and try to make an appointment early.
If you need a reduced plan, for 17 days, will you do 2 things:
1. Commit to manifesting love for yourself.
2. Take time to work on a personal plan for Valentines Day that will provide you with pampering and loving self-care.
Each day I write a short mediation on mindful love toward yourself. You can write on your blogs or in the comments on my blog about what you are trying, how it is working and how you are planning to love yourself on Valentines Day or whatever else you want us to read.
WILL YOU TAKE THE PLEDGE?
IF SO, SIGN UP! CLICK HERE TO TAKE THE PLEDGE!
Love,
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