Day 31 of the 31 Day TLC Pledge

Beloveds...

Today, I am getting my massage later. I have decided to make some "I love you" calls to people that I think could use it, knowing that it will benefit my spirit as well to do so.

What ways are you showing love for yourself and others who need it today?

I Love You!


LOVE, LOVE, LOVE!

Day 30 of the 31 Day TLC Pledge

TO DOs!
A to-do list on Valentine’s Day:

1. Eat something special (For me, Vietnamese Pho)

2. Listen to your favorite music (For me, Sarah McLachlan seems good right now)

3. Take a luxurious bath or shower (It will have to be a shower, but I will get something special for the shower)

4. Buy yourself a flower (I will go and see what is pretty, I am not a huge rose fan, I like more relaxed flower forms)

5. Order food in (I will order a Chinese Wonton Salad to be delivered)

6. Watch my favorite movie (For me, I think I will watch "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button")

7. Read a favorite poem or prose (For me, Mary Oliver)

8. Dress in something that makes you feel good (For me, it is my smocked top and pant outfit)

Hope you are working on YOUR list.

Day 29 of the 31 Day TLC Pledge

I am still sick!

I am going to get a chair massage today, to add to my self-care plans.

Since my brain is so fuzzy with being congested, I will merely share with you what I am meditating on today:

"You do not do the work of changing," says poet David Whyte. "You feed and nourish your longing in whatever way you can and then the longing does the work."

What are you doing to feed and nourish your longing? If your longing is for the departed one in your life, what can you do to feed and nourish that space?

Love,

Day 28 of the 31 Day TLC Pledge

We are so close to Valentine's Day - it is winding down...

I am struggling with a really bad cold. So my posts have been mostly poems because I am on Nyquil and it makes me stupid. Taking care of myself right now = sleep, kleenex with LOTION, aloe vera saline gel for my nose, tea, dvds, youtube, instant messages and more sleep.

So, I humbly offer a great poem for me today:


Go hang yourself, you old M.D.!
You shall not sneer at me.
Pick up your hat and stethoscope,
Go wash your mouth with laundry soap;
I contemplate a joy exquisite
I'm not paying you for your visit.
I did not call you to be told
My malady is a common cold.

By pounding brow and swollen lip;
By fever's hot and scaly grip;
By those two red redundant eyes
That weep like woeful April skies;
By racking snuffle, snort, and sniff;
By handkerchief after handkerchief;
This cold you wave away as naught
Is the damnedest cold man ever caught!

Give ear, you scientific fossil!
Here is the genuine Cold Colossal;
The Cold of which researchers dream,
The Perfect Cold, the Cold Supreme.
This honored system humbly holds
The Super-cold to end all colds;
The Cold Crusading for Democracy;
The Führer of the Streptococcracy.

Bacilli swarm within my portals
Such as were ne'er conceived by mortals,
But bred by scientists wise and hoary
In some Olympic laboratory;
Bacteria as large as mice,
With feet of fire and heads of ice
Who never interrupt for slumber
Their stamping elephantine rumba.

A common cold, gadzooks, forsooth!
Ah, yes. And Lincoln was jostled by Booth;
Don Juan was a budding gallant,
And Shakespeare's plays show signs of talent;
The Arctic winter is fairly coolish,
And your diagnosis is fairly foolish.
Oh what a derision history holds
For the man who belittled the Cold of Colds!

Ogden Nash

What would be a good poem for YOU today?
Love,

Day 28 of the 31 Day TLC Pledge

Nurture
By Maxine Kumin

From a documentary on marsupials I learn
that a pillowcase makes a fine
substitute pouch for an orphaned kangaroo.

I am drawn to such dramas of animal rescue.
They are warm in the throat. I suffer, the critic proclaims,
from an overabundance of maternal genes.

Bring me your fallen fledgling, your bummer lamb,

lead the abused, the starvelings, into my barn.
Advise the hunted deer to leap into my corn.

And had there been a wild child—
filthy and fierce as a ferret, he is called
in one nineteenth-century account—

a wild child to love, it is safe to assume,
given my fireside inked with paw prints,
there would have been room.

Think of the language we two, same and not-same,
might have constructed from sign,
scratch, grimace, grunt, vowel:

Laughter our first noun, and our long verb, howl.

What nurturing pouch will you make for yourself today?

love,

Day 27 of the 31 Day TLC Pledge

"NEEDS AND NURTURE" by Kate

I wait in this dark and silent place
With no air, no space
In which to spread my smothered roots,
Pungent and stale the earth
In need of the season of re-birth.

Suddenly - movement - someone is near,
Perhaps my stifled cries to hear,
A rush of air and into the light,
Gentle hands lift, caress and weave
My stems, my arms, my leaves.

I am laid down into warm new soil -
Fresh, moist- gradually I uncoil
My tangled roots, reaching out,
I am cocooned, touching virgin loam
Which surrounds me in this new home.

In return for kind nurture I reveal rewards
Of heart-shaped leaves, stems like swords,
Bell-like blossoms swinging, ringing in
The vibes of my joy at being given
The chance to survive, to grow and go on living.

What will you do for yourself today to grow and go on living?

love,

Day 26 of the 31 Day TLC Pledge

Today, I am prompted to think more on the body because I am fighting off the cold that has nailed everyone here. I was one of the last to catch it - which is telling me that my self-care is good. Someone who is grieving who has a good immune defense - that is a signal that I am taking good care of myself. Now, this cold has finally tried to move in, causing me to need rest and supplements.

How does your body communicate with you? How often do you pause to really listen to the messages your body sends you?

Your body can offer you two types of intelligence:

* Signals and indications about what is healthy.
* Intuitive information and guidance about direction and choices.

Sometimes your body speaks in an increasing volume and you still ignore the messages. You might notice a vague discomfort or, you forget to listen to your body’s signals until you finally get sick or are too exhausted to function.

Admittedly, you might not want to listen. If you are invested in busy - ness and stress, you might actually resent your body's limitations.

Can you rebel without paying a dear price?

Every day, hour and minute we can engage the wisdom that our body offers. Once you make the commitment to being mindful, you will find that pain and anxiety decrease. Your body will not have to talk so loudly!

What signals have you been ignoring? Pause and listen to your body right now. What do you need? It might be as simple as a glass of water or as life changing as a new vocation.

Remember, listening to your body is being loving to yourself.

Today's Suggested Intention: I will check in with my body often today and listen to it's wisdom.

Today's Suggested Action: Look for a time to take a nap or at least rest in a deep way for 20 minutes.

What was your action today?
Love,

Day 25 of the 31 Day TLC Pledge

Vaga Luma

This is a final project - a proposed website (yet to exist) for experiential sharing and preservation of memories from the user's deceased family members, relatives and friends, an interactive gallery of remembrance and immortalize.

This project is intended to illustrate how private, personal memories become perceptible, alive with color, sound and motion, and show the connections between a deceased person and the memories his loved ones have from him.

You can view a live demo of this project in English or Hebrew on Vimeo. SEE THE VIDEO HERE.

Today - think of how you can bring creativity to your remembrance and act on it!

See her website HERE.

Love,

Day 24 of the 31 Day TLC Pledge

WOW!

Day 24!

It is moving along - when you count the days in this way time seems to be flying! We only have 1 week to go for Valentines Day.

Today I became aware of how being indoors in the winter means you have stale air around you. You breathe the same air over and over and it goes through a furnace and is dry and - STALE.

I decided that despite the weather conditions that I would spend some time outdoors, deeply and slowly filling my lungs with fresh air.

As if the universe was anxious to meet me, the winds today have been really high powered! I kept watching to make sure a tree branch did not fall on me.

This process reminded me of the most simple elements of life - food, water, air, shelter (warmth). These elemental things make up the life that we lead, yet we are often distracted by layers of noise.

Today's Suggested Intention: I will meditate on whatever is fresh and healthy and new that I can introduce into my day.

Today's Suggested Intention: I will breathe outdoors again before the sun sets, getting some fresh air into me to nourish me.

What will you do today to nourish a healthy body?

Day 22 of the 31 Day TLC Pledge

Many of us, when grieving, can be also suffering from residual physical conditions because our bodies have endured a shock. I, for one, had a great deal of adrenal fatigue from running as I took care of my dying husband and did not sleep hardly at all for about a month.

One can start to knit one's body back together again from adrenal fatigue. Simple changes such as more laughter (increases the parasympathetic supply to the adrenals), small breaks to lie down, increased relaxation, regular meals, exercise (avoiding any highly competitive events), early bedtimes and sleeping as long as one can whenever possible - can all benefit those experiencing adrenal fatigue.

A diet that would be conducive to treating adrenal fatigue includes one that combines unrefined carbohydrates (whole grains) with protein and oils (nuts and seeds) at most meals—olive, walnut, fiber, flax and high-quality fish oil. It is also important to eat regular meals, chew food well, and eat breakfast. Avoid any hydrogenated fats, caffeine, chocolate, white carbohydrates, and junk foods. Diets should have a heavy emphasis on vegetables.

Today's Suggested Intention: I will think on how I am treating myself through my diet.

Today's Suggested Action: I will menu plan for the next few days and make sure I am taking in good, healthy foods.

Day 21 of the 31 Day TLC Pledge

A MOVEMENT VACATION!

Our "monkey-mind" can take us on trips that we do not enjoy. These thoughts can make us physically ill, emotionally raw and spiritually depleted.

My Brian used to say that he needed a vacation from himself. At those moments he would do something totally different, even if it was only for a moment, to break the chain of mental fixation that he suffered from. He was a driven perfectionist - and I learned a lot from him about taking little "mini-vacations"!

Today's Suggested Intention: To consider how I can flow as prompted by music and be transported for a few moments.

Today's Suggested Action: I will dance to at least 1 song in my house today - maybe more.

Day 20 of the 31 Day TLC Pledge

MOVEMENT!

Sometimes the winter weather can make us sedentary. So can grief, so when they are coupled we can become as still as stone.

Sometimes, particularly if we were caregivers or have others that we need to care for, we push our bodies beyond reasonable limits and we may even take risks physically.

The commitment to move in a centered way will serve us. Some religious traditions use bodily movement as a metaphor for the spiritual and psychological movement that we are to engage in during the task of living.

If you have been too still or pushing yourself too hard physically, think about what it would mean to move bodily in a way that cares for yourself.

Today's Suggested Intention: I will think about how movement is integrated into my well-being.

Today's Suggested Action: I will take a walk around outside for 5 minutes every 2-3 hours.

Love,

Day 19 of the 31 Day TLC Pledge

Winter makes everything dry! The heat and cold is so drying. We can feel parched. This can mirror our hearts and souls. We can feel neglected, needing nurture.

My feet are often ignored. They can crack and bleed in the winter months. If my feet are in good shape, I know I am doing a good and thorough job of self care.

Perhaps you have a part of your body that is the last to receive attention. Your cuticles? Your teeth? Your skin? Your diet?

Whatever it is, when we are grieving - many of these parts of ourselves become neglected.

Here are a few prompts:

Drink more water than you think you need to today.
Stay away from lotions that contain alcohol. Even though they might smell great! They can foster increased dryness.
Self-administer regular stimulation to your skin with self-massage and generous quantities of oil and moisturizing lotion.

Men and women both might find a moisturizing mask helpful in the winter months:

Mask for Dry Skin
1 egg
1 teaspoon of honey,
1/2 teaspoon of olive oil
Mix the ingredients thoroughly and use as a mask.

Today's Suggested Intention: To look myself over to see if I am neglecting parts of my body and it's well-being and to consider what I can do to care for this part.

Today's Suggested Action: To make a mask and take 10 minutes to get some relief to my skin.

Love,

Day 18 of the 31 Day TLC Pledge

LIGHT FOR THE JOURNEY

Winter is dark in most places. Intermittent light might punch through gray skies.

I have seen an upturn in anxiety among the grieving people I connect with... I think the holidays and the aftermath are large influences and the upcoming holiday as well. Some have important dates in their loss stories that mingle in these days. But the snow. The deep and relentless snow! And the sky. And the early nightfall. All these and many other factors conspire to make us feel heavy and anxious and full of pain.

Light is a common symbol in numerous religious traditions, and that is no accident. Light gives us a sense of safety. It helps us immeasurably. Our ancestors had to think a lot more about light that we moderns do. So, to take time to consider light is something rare for most of us.

We have chosen to take a pledge

Not with words but with actions

Not with a nod of assent but in behavior

Not in thoughts but in deeds

We will give up our darkness today

To light a candle

We will give up our fear today

To provide home for the part of us that is destitute

We will give up our anxiety today

To see the ourselves have moments of peace

We invite light to break out around us

on us

in us

Light will go before us

We will find our joy in the light

We will mediate on the image of a well-lit path

We will be called repairers of broken lanterns

Together we will bask in light


Today's Suggested Intention: I will focus on any place where light is radiating wherever I go today as a symbol of hope in winter.

Today's Suggested Action: I will light candles or a fire or get full-spectrum light bulbs and get as much light into my space as I can.

Love,

Day 17 of the 31 Day TLC Pledge

Yesterday I had a very long talk with someone. We've only been working together for a few days, she is a longer-term employee than I... and she recounted how she struggled over many bumps both professionally and personally.


The main thing missing from her descriptions of her life and the harsh encounters with death and loss - was a sense of any good divine order to things. That there was some overarching good purpose to anything. For this young woman everything was random. And that made this world pretty difficult to negotiate.


She said that she could "believe" when things were going right. She is taking baby steps (as everyone should), and there is visible progress in her life.


No one can ever say they know what the future holds, but it is pretty reliable to assume that there are many more lessons to be learned. Our discussion ended with some sense of stepping into a mystery of life that included harsh moments rooted within an overarching positive purpose. I asked her to experiment with considering what it would mean to believe in some grander sense of benevolence. I will enjoy seeing what she does with these ideas.

Today's Suggested Intention: To walk through this day believing in myself and something larger than me that is in control with a benevolent purpose.


Today's Suggested Action: Getting to bed at a reasonable hour and taking extra C vitamins to bolster my immune system...


love,

Day 16 of the 31 Day TLC Pledge

Welcome!

So far a few of us have been on a 31 day pledge for taking care of ourselves with the knowledge that Valentines Day is coming.  

We have 17 days left and some people from the Open to Hope website may be joining us!

We are a group of bereaved people who are going to work through a personal pledge. Many people who are grieving find this holiday to be very difficult. The person that they love, to whom they would both give and receive loving acts, is now gone.

Our lives can seem more empty of both giving and receiving when a loved one has died. This can be extremely hard on us. Often the decrease of physical contact alone is enough to make us feel deprived.

That is what this pledge is about – we are going to increase the giving and receiving, first toward ourselves, knowing that we need more TLC in this time, and knowing that eventually we will pour out love towards others again.

We are pledging to love ourselves and treat ourselves with the self-same love that our departed loved one would have given us – or perhaps even better. Whatever this means to you. The love that we have shared with our departed loved ones still exists out in the universe, even if it is no longer in the corporal form that we are used to experiencing it in.

For those of you that are farther along in your bereavement, I am going to challenge you a little harder... if your bereavement is fresh or complicated, you have permission to do the reduced plan.

For the next 17 days DAILY we will do 5 things:

1. Commit to being mindful of love for yourself.

2. Manifest one act of loving kindness daily for yourself (whatever you wish it to be).

3. Deflect negative thoughts about any belief that your life lacks love.

4. Speak kind words to yourself and say three things that you are grateful for about yourself.

5. Take time to work on a personal plan for Valentines Day that will provide you with pampering and loving self-care.


Here is an example:


-- My intention today is that I will mindfully will call myself “sweetie”, as my beloved Brian often called me that.

-- My act of kindness to myself will be that I often have to talk a lot, so today I have committed to using few words, letting others figure things out and being more still. I will let the others around me know that I am doing this today so that they understand my use of few words.

-- When I find myself judging my appearance I will think of myself as “cute” and sweetie”, as my beloved Brian would refer to me that way. I am grateful for my feet (which have been called cute), my hair which is fun to play with and my eyes which are dark and interesting.

-- My plan for Valentines Day is to find an affordable but quality therapeutic massage service because I miss the physical affection that Brian always gave me, so I will continue to research this and try to make an appointment early.


If you need a reduced plan, for 17 days, will you do 2 things:

1. Commit to manifesting love for yourself.

2. Take time to work on a personal plan for Valentines Day that will provide you with pampering and loving self-care.


Each day I write a short mediation on mindful love toward yourself. You can write on your blogs or in the comments on my blog about what you are trying, how it is working and how you are planning to love yourself on Valentines Day or whatever else you want us to read.

WILL YOU TAKE THE PLEDGE?


IF SO, SIGN UP! CLICK HERE TO TAKE THE PLEDGE!

Love,

Day 15 of the 31 Day TLC Pledge

I work with a personal coach - I have been doing this for a little over a year. We talk on the phone for about an hour every other week. I decided to do this to keep on track with the things that I want to accomplish before I die. In this way, I am constantly addressing things to make sure I do not get too far off track. It is like having a touchstone. It helps me not drift too far.

Daily blogging about self-care has also really been like a touchstone. It has kept me from veering too far away - and there is a blessing to this. YOU are what helps me stay on track with caring for myself in a time of grief. Thank you...

I wanted to also let you know - this program is going to be posted tomorrow on the Open to Hope website. If you do not know this website - it is a great resource to support grieving people.

We could be getting a few more people joining us here. My post tomorrow will reflect that. Let's hope some newly grieving people come to join in on loving and caring for themselves!

Today's Suggested Intention: I will remember what it was like in the first months of my loss... I will care about that young widow that was numb in the summer of 2008.

Today's Suggested Kind Act: I will write a letter to who I was in the summer of 2008 and sit with it for a time. I will be the future me speaking hope to the past me.

Love,

Day 14 of the 31 Day TLC Pledge

I want to make some affirmations out loud to you all:
*I trust myself
*I will live IN peace ON earth
*I forgive myself
*I will respect my grief
*I will affirm my progress as being an inside job with occasional input from the outside
*I AM PRICELESS and WORTHY- my beloved thought so, and I must grow in this belief

Today's Intentions: I intend to stay present in the moment

Today's Kind Act: I will speak loving words to myself

What affirmations will you make today?

Love,

Day 13 of the 31 Day TLC Pledge

"The snow goose need not bathe to make itself white. Neither need you do anything but be yourself."  - Lao-Tzu

Women (from my generation, anyway) are pressured culturally to be out-of-body and non-authentic. One of my favorite books that gives analysis to this fact is the book "Reviving Ophelia: Saving the Selves of Adolescent Girls". If you have never read it - I highly recommend it.

The author’s thesis- for many girls, transitioning from young adolescence to young womanhood involves no longer living to make yourself happy, but living to make others happy so they will accept you.

Up to age 10 or 11, most girls live in whatever way makes them happy. Playing sports. Excelling academically. Not putting much importance into their appearance. But, when they enter high school, that all changes. They suddenly encounter cultural forces which force them to adjust their lives to be accepted by their peers. They have to give up living to please themselves, and instead live to please others.

I see myself in this book, but not so much so that I am crippled by the culture. I. thankfully, received a lot of freedoms and liberation that was afforded to me by an unconventional family and my own spirited personality.

Today's Suggested Intention: I will ponder things that make me happy today.
Today's Suggested Act: I will pursue one of those "happy" things.

Love,

Day 12 of the 31 Day TLC Pledge

Learn to value yourself, which means: to fight for your happiness. - Ayn Rand

I have had at least two realizations manifest so far. These seem to be the important ones for me.

The first is I have let fear of people's opinions about my grief walk upon my heart. 

The second is that I can trust myself to act reliably about my grief.

I have to stay authentic if I ever truly wish to grow, much less lend a hand to anyone else. I sometimes get afraid and give my energy to the past instead of fully trusting the present. Sometimes I would like to seem like I am dealing, so that others are not inconvenienced or react poorly to me. AND - Let's face it, the present does not look-so-good so why not go backward to sunnier times?

But this path continues whether I am looking at what is here now or burying my vision in the past.

I am worthy of walking in love, peace and kindness.

Today's Suggested Intention: I intend to walk through this day KNOWING my worth and EMBRACING it.

Today's Suggested Kind Act: I'm focusing on the sky today. I am asking to look at the sky often, partly because it is where I imagine all the supernatural love resides and partly because it helps me remember my small, but honored place in the large scale of things.

Love,