EXPRESSIVE ARTS FOR GRIEVING PEOPLE
Showing posts with label COMMUNITY. Show all posts
Showing posts with label COMMUNITY. Show all posts

A Widowed Person's Review of the Sitcom "Go On"

SPOILER ALERT

The 2012 television series Go On answers the question - how would an narcissistic male in the sports radio industry grieve?

Ryan, our main subject, is played by Matthew Perry, who is 1 month into being widowed when we start the pilot.

Ryan has two communities that he is engaged with.

One is his work community - a sports news casting / interviewing show - that Ryan is doggedly trying to interact with after his loss. Ryan needs to be at work. He needs to have the diversion of his profession, as well, we see his replacement host performing his job and we are lead to wonder if he can stand having someone else fill his role. He spends hours working late with his assistant and spends time with his superior. Yet, Ryan is considered to be "in denial"  regarding his loss by corporate. The main work characters are trying hard to uphold him, support him and help him - and one way they are trying to help is by requiring 10 group sessions at the local Transitions Group, which is the second community.
NBC's Go On - a new series about a widowed person

The Transitions Group is full of oddball characters who cross talk and have a large spectrum of losses (not all human deaths). Ryan does NOT want this community and is resistant to participation with the group on it's own terms. By the end of the first session he attends, Ryan has engineered the group into competing against one another in a friendly, sportsman-like NCAA-style brackets way on whose loss is worse. Ryan is a advocate for stop talking and instead to go do something. He even lies initially about the cause of how wife's death. The group is also trying to get Ryan to cope on a more honest level with his loss, but can be whipped into a frenzy by his force of personality.


Finally, at Ryan's home, there is the solitary gardener that is not informed of his wife's death for over a month.

Later we learn that Ryan's wife died due to texting while driving. He displays hostility when he fights with someone who is texting while driving.

Ryan does not want to go home at night and tosses and turns in the martial bed, finally giving up and sleeping on the couch. In this more honest depiction, the writers hint and allude to the fact that they may eventually reveal the soft underbelly of this character. It will be necessary for them to depict greater depth for us to care about Ryan and in order to make the series less of a mish-mosh of caricatures and more of complex and interesting story.


We are shown Ryan's loss is propelling him involuntarily to be engaged in new ways with people. In these new experiences he is trying to pull out with full force all of his old methods of narcissism and action in dealing with his loss. We can assume that there will be lessons to be learned in the episodes that follow if the series is to be thought provoking.




I have watched numerous shows from the pilot phase progress to find an interesting and full-bodied voice, and I have seen others evaporate. It will be interesting to see where this one goes. Initially, I am not drawn with anticipation to this show because the grief group characters seem rather vapid and cartoon-like, with the exception of the lesbian who lost her wife. The counselor is made light of and the dynamics within the grief group are made extremely silly. For me to be hooked, I will need to see an arc of character development within the next 6 episodes. Otherwise I will begin to loose interest fast.

The workplace being depicted as supportive and aware that Ryan needs a grief group - this is only partly believable. It is only plausible because Ryan is the "star" of their show and corporate needs to keep him stabilized. Most workplaces, where the rest of us spend our days post - loss, are totally unattuned to such matters.

I am not offended by the series being a sitcom about widowed life. It has potential to help people think behind laughter, to entertain and enlighten - if it is bold and intelligent enough to achieve such a goal. The writers are hinting to us that they are capable of this level of material. Several of the actors are certainly capable of this level of performance. But, it is too soon to tell.

Love,
Kim

Camp Widow West Ensues!

I am honored to be leading 2 workshops at Camp Widow West this year. I will be the panel moderator for a discussion on children of widows on Friday late afternoon. And, I am excited to present an intensive on both Friday and Saturday called "Rituals for the Journey."

Camp Widow West™ 2012 will be held at the San Diego Marriott Hotel and Marina in San Diego, California from August 10-12, 2012.

See below!



FRIDAY AND SATURDAY

Here I am, wearing an Amish hat! (Just kidding!)


FRIDAY ONLY

To see more, go to www.campwidow.org

NOTE: I just learned that anyone who signs up because they heard about camp from me can use the group rate registration which saves them $50!

Love,
Kim

Compassionate Friends 35th National Conference/ 5th International Gathering

If you're seeking a way to remember and grieve for your child, sibling, or grandchild with people who understand and don't expect you to be "back to normal," why not give yourself a gift this summer by attending the 35th National Conference/5th International Gathering? This is a unique opportunity to be surrounded by a safe-haven that comes along only once a year.
For the loss of a child or sibling

July 20-22, 2012 in beautiful Costa Mesa, California!

See more here...

Love,
Kim

New Programs in the Los Angeles Area

I am negotiating upcoming expressive arts workshops for grieving people at Adult Bereavement Group at Long Beach Memorial Medical Center and The Cancer Support Community in the Los Angeles area. Stay tuned!
Love,
Kim

Daily "Eloquent Grief" Readings from Alive and Mortal

Eloquent: Clearly expressing or indicating something.
Grief: Deep sorrow, esp. that caused by someone's death.

Something that I did not anticipate with this year's Advent Calendar project was a kind request to continue into 2012 with providing readers with daily readings.

I am humbled and honored that there are a handful of people that would like to continue a connection throughout the year. There is a small cluster of people who are quietly working at grief, impermanence, eloquence and evolving bonds. And I want to go with them.

I became a little overwhelmed over HOW to fulfill such a commitment... and then, I recalled something that I enjoy very much and how I might adapt it to this project.

On the Twitter social network I enjoy following #micropoetry. The people write with the known limitation of 144 characters. There are some amazing and potent words that come through the ether. Similar to haiku, it can capture a universe of meaning in an economy of words.

I was inspired by the tradition of haiku and the #micropoets to open a separate twitter account just for this kind of writing, for tight, brief grounding meditations... and they are linked to here to have them post daily on this blog in the right column... see this image:

These Daily Readings have begun updating. Right now I am futzing over having them update at the same time each day. I am sure I will figure that part out soon.

If you are on Twitter and want them to feed to you via Twitter - see AliveandMortal

Thank you for keeping me on my toes and growing!

Wishes for a Peaceful New Year.

Love,
Kim

Finally, Facebook Timeline

So, finally Facebook's Timeline seems to have figured it's way through litigation and is coming soon.

For grieving people, it is something to prepare for. My original post on grieving people and Timeline is HERE.

You should realize that everyone will be able to peruse your Facebook history all the way to the beginning with a slider and a few clicks. Previously, there was no practical way to view your older activity on Facebook.

You only have seven days to make any changes to your Timeline before it becomes your default profile. 

There are a few specific ways to work with Timeline related to old posts once you have converted to the Timeline system...

To see what your profile will look like to "non-friends", click the cog icon and choose "View As..." from the drop down menu. This will reveal you how your profile looks to the public. You can also enter the name of any of your Facebook friends at the top of the page to see exactly what they'll see on your Timeline. You can hide all posts or selected ones.

If you want to get rid of anything, go to the post on Timeline and hover over its top right corner. Click the pencil icon and select "Hide from Timeline."

My hope is that grieving people will be proud of their stories and feel connected to the power of their narrative. 

But you should make good choices for yourself and your loved ones about your narrative as it is shown on Timeline. Everyone has a specific set of circumstances and one size does not fit all.

A very useful general article was written by Ian Paul in PCWorld on Dec 16, 2011 to help you prepare for Timeline.  HERE is the full article.

Love,
Kim

A GLIMPSE INSIDE THE ALIVE AND MORTAL ONLINE ADVENT CALENDAR

Today's Alive and Mortal online advent calendar reading is about Christopher Love.

Love was executed as a martyr in 1651 by the authorities as an example to dissuade the Presbyterian uprising.

Love had five children, one of whom was born after his death.

This is something that Love wrote:

"God hath many mercies in store for you;

the prayer of a dying husband,

for you,

will not be lost."

When our loved ones are passing, they may have seconds or minutes or hours or days or years to utter prayers.

They may even not have words, they may not have brain function... but the life force that they possessed radiates loving energy.

We do not know what is going on with them, really, as they die - but I take great comfort in the idea that the dying, just may very well indeed, pray for the living.

If you would like to engage with the online advent calendar - CLICK HERE.

Love,
Kim

Advent for Grieving People

 Again, this year, I offer my free Online Advent Calendar for Grieving People.


You can find it HERE.

You may wish to bookmark it, so that every day you may return to open the next window.

If you did this with me before in the past, this is a new and improved version with more detail.

I hope that you will join me on a journey of growth over 25 days. We will focus on bringing light into dark spaces. Trust that every day there is something for you to discover because you are evolving and unfolding in your soul and heart.

I treasure your companionship.

Love,
Kim

PS There is a "donation" button on the site - if you donate, the monies go to Advientos, the host of the free advent calendar program.

My Humble Reflection on a Piece of Jewelry

I am awestruck and honored today... artist Luis Arriaga Reyes named one of his lovely creations after me. Luis is an Art Director at Sterling Jewelers and also owner of Cafe Arabiga, a venue for gourmet coffee, art and live music in Ensenada, Mexico. We have never actually met, but he knows me through mutual friends and we are on Facebook together. We share the loss of our fathers. He has heard about my loss of Brian. So, he let me know of this piece that he designed with my story in mind...


The moment I saw this lovely piece, I recalled a poem by Pablo Neruda.I am not fluent in Spanish, so I trust that this is correct:

En su llama mortal la luz te envuelve.
Absorta, pálida doliente, así situada
contra las viejas hélices del crepúsculo
que en torno a ti da vueltas.

Muda, mi amiga,
sola en lo solitario de esta hora de muertes
y llena de las vidas del fuego,
pura heredera del día destruido.

Del sol cae un racimo en tu vestido oscuro.
De la noche las grandes raíces
crecen de súbito desde tu alma,
y a lo exterior regresan las cosas en ti ocultas,
de modo que un pueblo pálido y azul
de ti recién nacido se alimenta.

Oh grandiosa y fecunda y magnética esclava
del círculo que en negro y dorado sucede:
erguida, trata y logra una creación tan viva
que sucumben sus flores, y llena es de tristeza. 

The Light Wraps You

The light wraps you in its mortal flame.
Abstracted pale mourner, standing that way
against the old propellers of the twilight
that revolves around you.

Speechless, my friend,
alone in the loneliness of this hour of the dead
and filled with the lives of fire,
pure heir of the ruined day.

A bough of fruit falls from the sun on your dark garment.
The great roots of night
grow suddenly from your soul,
and the things that hide in you come out again
so that a blue and palled people
your newly born, takes nourishment.

Oh magnificent and fecund and magnetic slave
of the circle that moves in turn through black and gold:
rise, lead and possess a creation
so rich in life that its flowers perish
and it is full of sadness.


Thank you, Luis. His lovely shop may be found HERE.

Lost and Found and Upside Down


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Love,
Kim

Final Week of The Evolving Bonds Photo Project - Lost and Found and Upside Down

"Speak a new language and the world will be a new world. " -Rumi
Changing your perspective can be a powerful way to unleash yourself.
 
Why? Because normally our brain functions by simply settling on an economic perspective based on first impressions and assumptions.

Upon encountering a challenge, tragedy or problem in our life... we work to solve it. As subsequent challenges arise, we are more inclined to repeat and repeat our previous approach to attempt to solve a similar problem the exact same way (regardless of whether it is, or is not, the best way). This appears to be the default mechanism of our brains - think of it as an economy of process.

Why waste time inventing new scripts when we can draw on the old scripts?

Well, there are all kinds of good reasons to start anew when we have a challenge.

In particular, I find that creativity helps with the challenges we face when we lose a loved one and we wish to sustain bonds with them. The death of a loved one is a vexing problem to be solved on numerous levels.

The level we are exploring here in this series is our bonds with a beloved person(s) and how to evolve when they have died...

Creatives intuitively explore many, many, many different ways to solve a problem. If there are a million ways to look at a problem, perhaps there are millions of solutions to problems; some solutions better than others.

Creatives feel the freedom to start as a child, often seeming childish in their approach with awe, wonder, questioning and curiosity.
“What… Copernicus [and] Darwin really achieved was not the discovery of a new theory, but a fertile new point of view.” - Michael Michalko
When you take the time to change your perspective you are bound to discover new ideas or ways of solving a problem; and it is a certain that some of those new ideas or solutions will be creatively brilliant.

Why not? What the he** do you have to lose? Nothing now. Why not?

Do something upside down or sideways today.

Do something opposite - have an Opposite Day at The School Of Life today...

Take a turn down an unexpected path...

Move toward something that repels you...

A change of perspective will introduce new ideas regarding your evolving bonds with the departed, it is certain to open up an expanse of discovery, love and wonder.

Our  Evolving Bonds Photo Project group on Facebook are in their final week and I will look forward to seeing what they do with this... THE MORE OUTRAGEOUS THE BETTER!

Love,
Kim

Evolving Bonds Photo Project - Exploring the Second Home

Our Evolving Bonds Photo Project Facebook Group is continuing in our 3-week cycle of exploring our evolving bonds with the beloved departed as a group.

It is quite moving to watch the variety, depth and breadth of experiences being contemplated and shared.

Today, they receive their next assignment: A Second Home. The prompt will, hopefully, open space for new or elevated awareness.

 I am honored to be in the company of these friends in the journey.

Love,
Kim

A POST FOR THOSE IN MY EVOLVING BONDS PHOTO PROJECT

A monk asks, "Is there anything more miraculous than the wonders of nature?" The master replies, "Yes, your awareness of the wonders of nature." -- Angelus Silesius
Can you feel a clutter within you that disrupts your pure awareness?

Most of us can if we slow a bit and start asking that question. I invite you to take a breath and sit with that question a moment. See what arises for you.

Behind that clutter - the stacks and stacks of noise and debris - there often lies a rich and meaning-laden world that can be a comfort, anchor, guide and a grounding.

Normally we humans default to low input - we look through the lens of a lens of a lens... it is one of the common human dilemmas... and there is the potential of not seeing each moment infused with meaning, communication and newness.

Grieving people can fall deeply into an agonizing cacophony of distance and disassociation with their surroundings. Pain can cause us to seize up and do what I call "cocooning". Perhaps you are like me? When someone dies, we may find ourselves thrust into a foreign and treacherous land. This is the last place that we want to be, we often seek a deep and dark cave to retreat into.

I, personally, found many of the deaths that I experienced to have this effect of seizing up. There was a difference when my beloved Brian died, though. There was a familiar stinging grey fog over everything, but with a new level of excruciating foreign-ness because I lost my soul mate and life partner.

But what was strange - after years of spiritual practice...

... I found - this confusing terrain that was clouded with fog and daggers would get punched through over and over by unexplainable beauty. Beauty of nature, sound, the kindness of people... textures, sensations, cadences... I thought something was wrong about these sensations at first... but slowly I began to allow them to arrive and instinctively held out my bleeding pain and allow these moments of beauty to wash over the pain to cleanse and nourish me.

And the more I did this, the more it seemed to bear fruit.

Can we dare to believe:  

"The hurt you embrace becomes joy. Call it to your arms where it can change." - Rumi

On Facebook, we have a private group called the EVOLVING BONDS PHOTO PROJECT. We have 12 participants who are very interesting people - and we have a little room for more. I am giving them their first assignment this Sunday morning. They will be looking to how the assignment manifests in their lives this week in an organic way. There are no "right" or "wrong" ways to participate.

Their assignment is called: Unexpected Embraces. 

Think about joining us... there is still time.


Love,
Kim

A Week of Preparation for the Evolving Bonds Photo Project

We have 12 members so far in our Evolving Bonds Photo Project... there is still time to join us - we commence on Sunday, October 16th! Consider being a part of this wonderful group of people who are going to teach each other through powerful reflections on their evolving bonds.

Here are some of my reflections along with Rumi for this week to help us ready our hearts and eyes...

"I am so small I can barely be seen.
How can this great love be inside me?
Look at your eyes,
they are small
but they see enormous things."


When we set an intention to pay attention and take in awareness, many things can come forward that are normally in the background. These are gifts that we have yet to receive. As we bend ourselves toward awareness, the gifts can unfold. The way these gifts present themselves are too numerous to quantify. Here are just a few examples of when the awareness might break through...

“The minute I heard my first love story 
I started looking for you,

not knowing how blind that was.

Lovers don't finally meet somewhere.

They're in each other all along.”






























"The breeze at dawn has secrets to tell you.

Don't go back to sleep.


You must ask for what you really want.

Don't go back to sleep.


People are going back and forth across the doorsill

where the two worlds touch.


The door is round and open.

Don't go back to sleep."

"Is it really true that the One I love is everywhere?"


"This being human is a guest house

Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,

some momentary awareness comes

as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!


Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,

who violently sweep your house

empty of its furniture,

still treat each guest honorably.

He may be clearing you out for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice,

meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.

Be grateful for whoever comes,

because each has been sent

as a guide from beyond."


Love,
Kim

The Evolving Bonds Photo Project For Grieving People

I am hosting a new 3 week interactive expressive arts experience – starting October 16, 2011.

The Evolving Bonds Photo Project  

...is an expressive and exclusive community experience where you will:

Use Your Eyes As A Lens To Your Heart:
We'll venture into our world with our cameras and/or camera phones. We will be using our eyes to increasingly move from looking at what is physically present to seeing what is emotionally and spiritually present. 

Use Your Voice As A Tribute To Your Love:
Without pressure, we use our own words or add from prose, memoir, and poetry.

Use Your Relationship Muscles:
If happiness was to be found in focusing on ourselves, we would surely be happy by now!
 

If happiness is found in connecting with loved ones - then, with camera or camera phone in hand, our perception and awareness can be invited to naturally and easily shift in amazing ways. We find new or renewed ways to connect with our departed and members of the group.

The photographs will help us notice, remember and commit to memory the continuing bonds we are experiencing. Telling stories with photos can be powerful and highly communicative to others who you are connecting with through the group. Your story has power. To see our continuing bonds, reflect on them and allow others to bear witness is a powerful tool.

What are evolving bonds?
CLICK HERE for a previous blog post about evolving bonds.

How does it work?

This group will run in three week cycles. You are making a three week commitment.

Prior to the project commencing is our preparation time.


To prepare to participate, find the group on Facebook called: “Evolving Bonds Photo Project”. It is a closed group. Request to be added. If I do not recognize you, I may email you to determine where you heard about the group, to insure that we do not have people randomly join without qualifying purpose.


Next, prepare to have your camera and/or cameraphone with you at all times, arrange to have a cable handy to connect to a computer if you need it, and any photo editing programs that you would like to use.


During week 1 - 3 of The Evolving Bonds Photo Project you will be gifted each Sunday with a theme suggestion to use if you are inclined. Each week you are to capture your evolving bonds in image and/or words. The themes are designed to be progressive.

So in summary:
At the beginning of each week you will receive notice that I have posted in the group the week’s theme to be done within the week.

During the week I will send out an additional message or host an IM chat that is a brief teaching/inspiration interactive session.


What you will get from participating in the Evolving Bonds Photo Project:
  •     new levels of intimacy with self, your departed and people in the group
  •     exposure to other people’s stories which are  inspiring
  •     practice in learning to see your continuing bonds
  •     a designated space to stretch your imagination
  •     confidence
  •     support
  •     adventure
  •     new levels of awareness of love
And best of all, it is FREE to participate.

The first cycle of The Evolving Bonds Photo Project begins October 16 and ends November 5, 2011.

Consider joining in...

Love,
Kim

The New Facebook Timeline and Grieving People

UPDATE: Facebook is delaying the roll-out of their Timeline format, see article related to the delay HERE.

I decided to be an early adopter of Facebook Timeline. 

I have long said that "The world belongs to people who can change."

Facebook Timeline is a big change.

The reason for my early adoption of the program was, in part, just being curious. But the other part had to do with anticipating how it would effect grieving people. Only those who are authorized through the app developers window can see the changes that everyone will be seeing on October 5, 2011. So, if you visit my Facebook page right now, it will not show Timeline to you until October 5th. If you have taken the plunge to get signed in as a developer, you can now see my page with Timeline. (see link for instructions below)

In all the promo regarding Facebook's Timeline, it presents a happy life, with many highlights and joys. The media surrounding it is full of Hallmark-styled moments of happy families and fun parties and lovely photos. Of course, these media pieces are advertisements that try and influence people to feel good about the changes coming...

I deal, however, with a large population of Facebook users who have many, many difficult moments and hard photos - such as of their children sitting by a gravestone... I am a bit protective of them. I want them to get taken care of. I want to warn them if things might not be good for them.

On the current Facebook format, you would have to do pages and pages of tedious digging to get anywhere into your past and - you would likely get carpel tunnel syndrome before you had any large impressions wash over you. But I suspected that this format would be very different.

So, I took the plunge. And it is... YOUR LIFE RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU on your profile page. 

So, if you do not like how your life is going or you had a really bad patch that lasted a good long while, you are not going to "like" this, to use Facebook jargon.

The layout is similar to tumblr - at least the tumblr template that I utilize on my page. It is not linear. It reads more like a newspaper with columns and sections in a patchwork on your page. It is a random (at least to my eye, there must be an algorithm behind the madness) crazy quilt of your posts, friends pictures, photos, maps and so on.

I was able to go back and see my first posts when I joined Facebook right after Brian died in 2008. I was sitting alone in New England and was trying to live out a commitment to staying technologically relevant in social media as a way to try and hang onto the three step-children that I had lost custody of to their birth-mom... and I can see my first status updates.

My third status update:
"I'm asking for a do-over."
Going back and seeing the progression that my life took is a bit of a psychological work out.
 I, personally, do not have posts before Brian's death, I was not on Facebook then. I was living a very different life then - I was far more engaged with work and family. My first posts on Facebook are heartbroken posts, punctuated by jokes so that people could tell that I was still breathing. 
 Back then - I thought that no one wanted to see my grief posting, so I can see that I held it to a minimum - it took me a while before I discarded that position for believing that my avocation was to create culture shift in society for grieving people by speaking freely about my loss and others losses.
Interestingly, Facebook has included a new feature that will be important for new grieving people. It seems to allow you to flag posts - even that you have lost a loved one... 
I recall months of petitioning Facebook to include a widowed status, and now they allow you to mark a post this way...
I want to alert people that are grieving that seeing months and years of sad posts and then seeing your friends months and years of happy posts may seem a bit rough. It reminds me of all those Christmas cards you would get every year where people went on and on and had so many great stories to write about and I only had deaths to discuss (which I opted out of telling them about.) 
 I also had 2 dear friends suddenly die since I was on Facebook. So, in a short 3 year period, there is a lot of sorrow in the posts that show up. 
I might suggest that grieving people take this change in Facebook slowly. Go into that timeline with a lot of support around you. Do not go there when you are feeling really down. Maybe invite a friend who understands your grief to be there with you and support you. If you have a therapist, bring your laptop to a session and begin to unpack it together. Make sure you have support for yourself. That will look different for each person. But take care of yourself in the changes. And stay in touch. Do not lose your network of support by prematurely closing your account. Not on my watch, anyway.
I think the richness of a life is not defined by the sum of fun moments we have had as much as how much and deeply we loved - regardless of the pain and discomfort that came with it. I believe that grieving people are some of the most rich, complex and deep people on the planet. You have a story and it has power.
If you accept this intention - there can be an embracing of your story and a love and compassion for yourself that is fostered by the encounter with your Timeline. 
Be proud of who you are, what you have been through, who you are becoming - the light that you bear in dark places is beautiful, friends.
I am going to be ruminating on this more, and if I have more to add, I will do so as a P.S.. I just wanted to get the word out there, because the change will happen October 5, whether you are ready or not...
Love, Kim

P.S.

Some other ideas to help grieving people:

-- Sign up early as I did and several have to look things over, you will have until Oct 5th to figure out what you want to do. I used the directions HERE to be an early adopter of Timeline.

-- Widows can be targets for stalkers and creeps, as you may know. Timeline's map feature is currently set for public viewing - I have researched this and so far it appears that there is no way to hide it or delete it. So, if you have concerns about who knows where you are, do not use the map check-in feature. You may want to try deleting your check-ins before the Timeline roll out (I assume with the old FB you can delete them).

-- Facial Recognition technology is ramping up. To opt out of Facebook's facial recognition technology by going to Account > Account Settings > Privacy > Customize Settings > Things Others Share and disabling "Suggest photos of me to friends," you should also upload random pictures of trees and animals and stuffed toys and tag them as yourself.

Along with that - think about any of your surviving children and the amount of information you are posting about them. They will be living into a greater lack of privacy as social media unfolds. So many people post pictures of their adorable children - you are proud of them, but this will be in the digital record forever, so you need to think about what that will mean for them. Use judgement and measure your posts about them...

-- Set your privacy settings high right before the Timeline roll out so that you have time to see what it looks like and then decide what you want to do.

-- This change might present an illuminating opportunity for society to begin to realize how long and arduous a road grief can be. If we can bare our lives being shown for it's raw truths it might help the culture to accept the length of bereavement.

-- Those whose beloved died before they were on Facebook - this gives you an experience similar to an online digital scrapbook where you can take time and go back to select the memories that you want to add and present to your friends. It can be a therapeutic exercise.
 

I have worked on my page a little bit: 




And, I added a post about Brian's death:

This from Facebook Help

-- Removing and Highlighting a Story

You get to decide which stories appear on your timeline. Hover over a story on your timeline to see your options:

Feature on Timeline: This allows you to highlight the stories you think are important. When you star a story, the story expands to widescreen. Starred stories are also always visible on your timeline.

Edit: This gives you the option to:

    •    Hide from Timeline: This removes stories from your timeline. Note that these stories will still show up in your activity log, which only you can see. They also may appear in your friend’s News Feeds.

    •    Depending on the type of story (ex: status update, checkin, tagged photo), you may also have the option to:

            -- Change the date of a story (ex: for an old photo, you can enter the date the photo was taken so it shows up in the right place on your timeline)
            -- Delete a post

Remember: You can also see the audience of stories you and your friends share from your timeline, and change the audience of things that you share.

ONLINE CHAT NOW

STARTING AT 4 pm

GRIEVING PEOPLE online chat

Sign in via FB or Twitter

Room says "Alive & Mortal Community"

CLICK HERE

Love,
Kim

Our First Family Grief Camp - Join Us!

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD BROCHURE FRONT
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD BROCHURE BACK

Message me if you would like a pre-printed color brochure - include your full name and address and the quantity you need.

Please let people know that would benefit from such an experience.

Love,
Kim

Your Deceased Loved-One's Facebook Page and How to Preserve Memories

When Facebook memorializes an account, they delete all status updates made by deceased users as a part of memorializing a profile.

Memorializing an account also prevents anyone from logging into the account. Even a family member would be prevented from managing this like any other estate issue...

The crappy thing is a friend, wittingly or unwittingly can notify Facebook about any person being deceased and they will memorialize the account, it is unclear to me if they will ask the family.

This from the Help section of FB:


"A deceased person's account is appearing in "People You May Know." How do I report this?

Please report this information here, so we can memorialize this person’s account. Memorializing the account restricts profile access to confirmed friends only. Please note that in order to protect the privacy of the deceased user, we cannot provide login information for the account to anyone. We do honor requests from close family members to close the account completely."

SO -
If you want a copy of your deceased loved one's Facebook as it was before they died and before anyone might report them as deceased... for any reason  -you can click a link and get a copy of all of it in a single download.

This feature is only available after confirming the password and answering appropriate security questions. You have to know the password and security question answers in order to do this...

Here are the FB instructions:

"How can I download my information from Facebook?

You can download your information from the Account Settings page.

Open the Account drop-down menu at the top right corner of Facebook and choose Account Settings.

Scroll down to Download Your Information and click learn more.

Click the Download button on the following page.

Because this download contains your profile information, you should keep it secure and take precautions when storing, sending or uploading it to any other services."


These things are a part of your memories, but you are not in 100% control over them, so I suggest you look into preserving it in some way for your peace of mind.



Love, Kim

Camp Widow

Camp Widow Workshop

I am honored to be presenting the intensive workshop to my grieving companions - called Creativity and Evolving Bonds - it has a low cap on enrollments, so if you are keenly interested, please sign up before spaces are gone. I would hate for anyone that is really wanting to participate to be disappointed.

Love, Kim

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