A GLIMPSE INSIDE THE ALIVE AND MORTAL ONLINE ADVENT CALENDAR

Today's Alive and Mortal online advent calendar reading is about Christopher Love.

Love was executed as a martyr in 1651 by the authorities as an example to dissuade the Presbyterian uprising.

Love had five children, one of whom was born after his death.

This is something that Love wrote:

"God hath many mercies in store for you;

the prayer of a dying husband,

for you,

will not be lost."

When our loved ones are passing, they may have seconds or minutes or hours or days or years to utter prayers.

They may even not have words, they may not have brain function... but the life force that they possessed radiates loving energy.

We do not know what is going on with them, really, as they die - but I take great comfort in the idea that the dying, just may very well indeed, pray for the living.

If you would like to engage with the online advent calendar - CLICK HERE.

Love,
Kim

Advent for Grieving People

 Again, this year, I offer my free Online Advent Calendar for Grieving People.

You can find it HERE.

You may wish to bookmark it, so that every day you may return to open the next window.

If you did this with me before in the past, this is a new and improved version with more detail.

I hope that you will join me on a journey of growth over 25 days. We will focus on bringing light into dark spaces. Trust that every day there is something for you to discover because you are evolving and unfolding in your soul and heart.

I treasure your companionship.

Love,
Kim

PS There is a "donation" button on the site - if you donate, the monies go to Advientos, the host of the free advent calendar program.

A Sensitive Christmas

It went past me so quickly, I almost did not catch it. It was a throw - away phrase.

I was reading about the history of international Christmas caroling (don't ask - I am a geek) and a simple sentence was tucked in amongst all the lighthearted facts about caroling in Greece...

I take a little liberty as I quote the article:

... The candle lighter is the leader of the caroling group... All day he leads the caroling group throughout the city... These carolers have far more consideration for the feelings of their fellow - creatures than English carolers because the candle lighter is always sent on ahead to inquire of the household that they propose to visit if there is mourning in the house...


My reading halted there. This seemed altogether amazing. Could it be that there was, at one moment, a culture that enjoyed the spirit of Christmas - and yet, all the while - demonstrated understanding that the mourning people in their midst needed sensitivity?

I am uncertain as to why or how these Greek people had an unusual level of thoughtfulness for the grieving. Should anyone reading this know the answer, I would love you to comment and tell me.

Those of us that have been grieving over numerous holidays always feel such pressure to conform. Not to ruin everyone's good time. At the very least, not to openly grieve. Yet, here I encountered a hint about a culture that bent low to care for those in grief.

When we are grieving everything burns more hotly, things sound harsher, all of our senses are raw and easily jangled. If you are grieving, know that it might seem like you lost a layer of epidermis.

We no longer have shared cultural responses to death like our ancestors did. But we still need code language to quickly communicate that we need to have our grief taken into consideration. I and many others are trying to begin to build this culture. It starts with being able to express your authentic self, with love, to those in your sphere. When you need to have your feelings taken into consideration over the hype of the holidays, recall that there have been times in human history when the feelings of mourners were taken into consideration, and rest in that knowledge that we are not asking for something that is uncalled for.

I wish you light and life this holiday season.

Love,

HOLIDAYS WITH FEELING

and little or no money!

Before my life partner Brian died the holidays looked VERY different than they do now.

Before Brian died, ample money was spent on transport, hotels, meals... and the childrens gifts. Brian loved to spend money on his children - they grew accustom to nice gifts and activities.

My financial limitations after Brian died were daunting.

Doing the holidays with less – one less person whom you loved, less money, less energy, less gifts, less decorating, less food - can be a really tough situation.

With little to no money and targeted energy you can still create “holiday feeling” for just yourself or family and friends without spending a lot of money...

DECORATING

1. Look outside - what resources can you bring inside?
Don't preclude non-traditional plants. I have made wreaths from mulberry and citrus cuttings. What can be washed, slapped with a coat of paint or re-purposed for a holiday decoration? Once I took a short green watering hose and coiled it with twine, creating a gardener's wreath. Everyone loved it and it cost me nothing.


2. Carefully pick your focal points, where the eye naturally goes or where you would like to guide the eye.
Three focal points to focus on for punch are:
• The Entry – sets the mood for everyone
• The Family Room - or main gathering space
• The Bedside - Everyone's bedside is a very sentimental space. Do not overlook it. After Brian died I gave each child a tiny Christmas tree, sized for their bedside table with mini lights and ornaments to decorate them with. The ornaments were picked to remind them of their dad. The kids settled into bed and woke with those trees, feeling his love. The tree toppers were a star with a note attached that said that when they looked at the twinkling stars that they might imagine him winking at them.

3. Use scale, color, light, sound, texture, and smell to your advantage.
Go with a lower number of items that are larger in scale to carry visual impact. Select colors for either sentimental reasons or strong impact. Light can cast warmth and sentimentality - candles, twinkle lights cost almost nothing at bargain stores. Create a holiday playlist and have continuous music playing in your gathering spaces. Go for soft, warm and comforting textures. Use greens if you cannot afford a tree to bring in a spruce odor.

GIVING

Focus on Sentimental Gift Giving - If the heart is full, the wallet can be less-so!

1. Food is important - give your kids special family recipes in a note book, adding personal anecdotes and pictures.
2. Heirloom jewelry or a locket with an inscription inside or photo can be meaningful.
3. Write up baby stories for each child, describing what they where like as an infant. Include fun, interesting facts. Recall their favorite books, stories and toys. Add a few photos as well.
4. Create a DVD with of pictures of the family to their favorite songs.

Focus on Activity Gift Giving - it keeps everyone busy and also makes memories!
1. Give objects for favorite activities. If you ride bikes together, give a box with all the bits and pieces to spruce up their bike. Give art supplies or art kits (beading kits, ceramic mug kits) shrinky-dinks or something fun. Try to do the activity together over the holiday time period.
2. Make goodies together to eat and to give as family gifts.
3. Select an enormous puzzle to do together.
4. Create bird houses and make a whole activity out of making, decorating, hanging and feeding the birds.
5. Make a movie basket - create no-sew fleece blankets for each family member and package with various family movies, popcorn, licorice, cocoa mix or things of this nature.
6. Find an outdoor area to have a bonfire and make s'mores as you sing holiday songs.

My last hint: Particularly if your children are older, consider celebrating on Twelfth Night. Twelfth Night, always held on January 5th. It marks the conclusion of the Twelve Days of Christmas. Airfare is cheaper if family fly on a holiday. Things are calmer. Mark-downs will already be in effect, making your dollar go farther. There are many interesting traditions to draw from for this holiday... including a King’s Cake... named for the Three Kings who visited Baby Jesus. Email me if you would like ideas about hosting a Twelfth Night party. Wikipedia is also a great place to learn more about Twelfth Night and its traditions.

Love,

SKELETON ART FROM AN OLD CD

This is an easy and inexpensive art project for your kids for Day of the Dead.


Supplies:
-- An unwanted CD
-- Black acrylic paint
-- Sponge paint brush
-- Wooden coffee stirrer


Apply 2 thick layers of acrylic paint on the recording side of the CD, letting paint dry thoroughly between coats.



Once all paint is dry, hold the coffee stirrer and begin to scratch off the paint in the depiction of a skull that you like. The reflective side will show through and catch the light in interesting ways.

Cross-Post: Making Paper Marigolds (Zempasuchil)

Mah friend, Supa Fresh Widow has a great video post on making marigolds out of crepe paper streamers - in Day of the Dead vocabulary, these are called "Zempasuchil." Take a look:



Click HERE for the full post.

Love,

KIDS CRAFT - SKELETON FLAG for your OFRENDA

Supplies:
-- Black felt rectangle
-- Thin dowel
-- Scissors
-- Glue that dries clear
-- White cardstock
-- Permanent marker - black
-- White Q-Tips
-- Clothespins

Gather all your supplies and wiggly ones.


Draw a skull - make it a happy one, or at least that is my suggestion. Cut it out and lay aside.

Lay out your black felt rectangle.

Plan out your skeleton. Lay out your Q-Tips to plan where they should go. Cut 6 Q-Tips in half for fingers and feet. Place your skull where you will want it.


Begin glueing your Q-Tip pieces down, being careful to add a little more glue on the "tips" of each Q-Tip.

Glue your skull down.

Let everything thoroughly dry.

When thoroughly dry, turn over your flag and take your dowel. Place dowel at top of flag, rolling the felt edge over your dowel. Glue it in place with a light, even application of glue. Use clothespins to hold the felt to the dowel until thoroughly dry.

Hang your flag on your alter or in your room... here is our finished flag!

Love,


P.S.
If you want to have different colors, go for it! Purple and white, red and white, green and white... make this fit your child's love of color!

LINKY UP!

If you plan to join us for Dia de los Muertos, link up by clicking HERE...

BooYah

A NEW Childrens Book for Dia de los Muertos...

Rosita Y Conchita
This independently published large hardcover book is a compelling story of twin sisters separated by death who are working to make a connection on November 2nd - Dia de los Muertos (Day of the Dead.)

The story unfolds in bright illustrations and in both English and Spanish verses, side-by-side. It begins with the affirmation that the departed want to make a connection with the living.


Then we join Conchita in Pueblo City as she prepares an alter for her departed twin Rosita. The story evolves through various efforts each twin makes to be with one another, ending with a heart-warming resolution and understanding of how the two can and do find each other.

This book is delightful for adults and children, and if one is attempting to work on language acquisition this book is an excellent experience of both languages.

The last portion of the book has a description of the holiday, directions on making sugar skulls and a primer on how to draw Rosita.

I highly recommend this book for your family, it is lively and refreshing. Both girls take active part in their process of bridging the gap between worlds, and I think it leaves the reader, whether child or adult, with a sense of empowerment. The wisdom of these ancient traditions ebbs forth from the story. The tale teaches those of us on this side of the veil that when we are in our grief of separation, our pain can be warmed and eased by acts of engaging with the departed.

Rosita Y Conchita. Created, illustrated and Spanish written by Eric Gonzalez, English written by Erich Haeger. Copyright 2010 by Muertoons Publishing.

Available at www.muertoons.com.


love,

still life 365: a post on Dia de los Muertos...

"I created this Dia de los Muertos altar, or ofrenda, for my daughter Lucia Paz"... "This was an incredible project for me. Opposed to feeling sad, it made me feel joyful to think of brightly colored things for my daughter's space.-Angie"


still life 365: Mid-Month Challenge: Rituals:

Join Us For an Online Celebration of Día de los Muertos!

image from shopsacred.com

My friends who have had significant losses in their lives are all going to participate in a "Day of the Dead 2010" celebration.

To read more, see fellow blogger and fellow widow: FRESH WIDOW.

I designed a button if you decide to participate and have a blog - I am awaiting approval, but here is my draft:


We will all be posting regarding our thoughts, reflections, ideas and experiences - next for me is a book review of Rosita Y Conchita...

Consider joining us for this online community experience!

Love,

Planning Your Self-Care for the Holidays

The upcoming holiday season can act as a grief trigger, making the latter part of the year a very difficult time. The following are some ways in which we can be supportive to ourselves when we are grieving through the holidays. Answer some of the following questions:

The most difficult parts of the holiday season for me may be the following:
1.
2.
3.
4.

People who can hear my grief are (list them):
1.
2.
3.
4.

Ways I can connect with these supportive people over the holiday months are:
1.
2.
3.
4.

The most difficult people to be with might be:
1.
2.
3.
4.

Grief triggers might be:
1.
2.
3.
4.

This year I want to include the following new activities in my holiday:
1.
2.
3.
4.

Ways I can honor the person I am grieving are:
1.
2.
3.
4.


You are NOT alone. Reach out. You can do it with loving support.

Love,