Centering Prayer and Breathing Exercises for Uncertain Times

Our encounters of mortality are what I refer to as a boot camp for the soul. 

If you are struggling with your own or someone else's mortality, there are things to do to recharge your stamina and resiliency in facing grief and fear.

Centering Prayer:

Centering Prayer (also called Prayer of the Heart) is the prayer first described in the spiritual classic, "The Cloud of Unknowing".
Centering Prayer is thought to be based on one of the contemplative prayer forms St. John of the Cross describes as “the practice of loving attentiveness”.

Research has been conducted on Centering Prayer. (Article: "Centering prayer for women receiving chemotherapy for recurrent ovarian cancer: A pilot study". Oncology Nursing Forum 36 (4)) This one-year Centering Prayer study conducted by the Mind Body Medicine Research Group studied prayer practitioners, along with other spiritual practitioners, for the Spiritual Engagement Project, a research study on how engagement in spiritual practices and community influences health and well-being.  Participants completed the myriad tasks for this project, including online questionnaires, two eight-day periods of daily telephone surveys, forms and emails. The findings indicate that it may be helpful for those receiving chemotherapy, and that it may help people experience a more collaborative relationship with God, as well as reduced stress.

This prayer form is a meditation technique which works primarily with the repetition of a sacred word or formula.
Centering Prayer is a silent, non-conceptual form prayer and therefore different from conventional spoken prayers such as the Lord’s Prayer or mentally repeated prayers. The practice of centering prayer seeks to still the activity of the mind in order to experience a loving awareness of God’s presence.
Centering Prayer takes shape in four very simple steps.

1. Choose a sacred word or phrase such as Abba, Jesus, Shalom or Love.

1. Sit comfortably with good supported posture and with eyes closed begin repeating the chosen sacred word.

1. When ever other thoughts arise, do not fret, just keep coming back to the sacred word.

1. At the end of your prayer, remain in silence for a while, observing your breathing.

Possible sacred words or phrases for Centering Prayer are: 

• Jesus

• Christos

• Father

• Mother 

• Abba

• God

• Love

• Peace

• Mercy

• Yes

You can make this your own, based on you unique beliefs and convictions.

The singular word is very helpful for making a simple assertion. When I was having my "Whole World Melt Down" in 2008, I began to use the word "peace" and I still use it today. It has borne fruit in my life that I now see today.

Try the Centering Prayer when you are ready. It will be there for you when it is the right time.
Breathing Exercises:

Breathing Exercises also are beneficial for stress reduction and centering. 
 (If you have any medical history with complications of breathing – consult a physician first.)

This particular technique is from the discipline of Tai Chi. I have mentioned it before, it bears repeating.

Sit with both feet firmly planted on the ground and in an upright and alert position that is comfortable.

Take 3 short inhales.

Let go of 1 long exhale.

Repeat this sequence five times.

This pattern brings what is typically an involuntary bodily process (breathing) and makes it an intentional process, thereby bringing awareness to your core self and assisting you with grounding and offering stability. Breathing gets at the sympathetic nervous system, which is the system that can become aggrivated and cause panic attacks and anxiety related disorders.There are many breathing exercises to try, this one is a place to begin.

Be well.

Love,
Kim

Grounding Technique for Panic Attacks

I get asked about tools for panic attacks about 2x a month, so I thought I would post this, as a peer and colleague and not a therapist. Please comment and add your knowledge to the discussion.

Grounding as a Method to Address Panic Attacks

Self-care becomes important when we are grieving. We are the best expert to take care of ourselves and provide ourselves what we need.

You can take care of yourself when you feel a panic attack coming on. You absolutely can have the knowledge and tools to keep yourself settled and calm.

Please read this thoroughly. You may want to print out these instructions and keep them available.

The Idea Behind This Technique:
As the name implies, "grounding" is a particular way of coping that is designed to "ground" you in the present moment. In doing so, you can retain your connection with the present moment and reduce the likelihood that you slip into a state of panic, flashback or dissociation. In this way, grounding may be considered to be very similar to mindfulness.

General Instructions:
To ground, you want to use the five senses (sound, touch, smell, taste, and sight). To connect with the here and now, you want to do something that will bring all your attention to the present moment.



To Begin:
Sit or stand with both feet firmly on the ground. Say to yourself: "I have everything I need to get through this feeling." Repeat that a few times.

3 deep breaths at the beginning and end of the exercise. Remember, if someone is lightheaded or hyperventilating they should breathe in and out into a paper bag 10 times.


Then start the 5's... Specific Instructions:

* 5 Sounds:
Listen for 5 discrete sounds that are different and identify them. For instance: a fan, a dog barking in the distance, the refrigerator humming, your own breathing and crickets chirping. And as a result, your attention will be directed to that noise, bringing you into the present moment.

* 5 Sensations:
Touch 5 discretely different surfaces - look for warm, cold, rough, smooth - forcing you to stay in touch with the present moment.

* 5 Smells:
Smell 5 discretely different odors - fruity, floral, green, spicy, herbal - forcing you to stay in touch with the present moment.

* 5 Tastes:
Taste 5 descrete tastes - sweet, sour, salty, cold, hot - tastes can force you to stay in the present moment.

* 5 Sights:
Take an inventory of 5 things around you. Connect with the present moment by verbally listing 5 things around you. You could identify 5 colors you see. Count 5 pieces of furniture around you. Taking an inventory of your immediate environment can directly connect you with the present moment.


(Personal note: I used to wake up in the middle of the night with panic. I had two plastic pill sorter trays by the bed. One had tastes in it: salt, sugar, cocoa powder, cinnamon and vanilla powder. One had cotton balls in with different scents in each compartment. This way I could use the 5's right at my bedside. I would sit up in bed, swing my feet over and place them firmly on the ground, open my bedside drawer and pull out my trays and then start my routine.)

Essential oils are great and you can keep on hand to help relax if panicking: specifically lavender and neroli. Clary sage can help relax someone (don't use with alcohol). Lavender is definitely the cheapest alternative and easiest to procure.

That is a start - this system, given to me by my best friend who is an EMDR therapist, absolutely worked for me...

Blessings...
Kim

Gratitude Posts - Friendships

Rebecca

Rebecca is my oldest friend, we met in school when we were both wearing black mini skirts and she was wearing black lipstick - can you imagine? We were both artsy-theater types in a world of rational and solid folks, so we globbed onto each other. Through many years and various phases we have been tender with each other and tried to outdo each other in embarrassing the other in public! She usually wins. I cry uncle faster than she does!

Rebecca is busy with 3 active and engaging daughters. We live in separate states. But when I think of her, my heart gets all mushy.

I am thankful for Rebecca!

Gratitude Posts - Friendships

Jennifer

Jennifer calls herself a "singing survivor", and that title suits her well. We got to know each other through my friends who both lived with her and loved her music. I remember seeking her performances out in such offbeat venues as Higley's in La Canada. So when I was finally, as an event producer, able to hire musicians, she was on my short list.We had 2 summers to get to know each other better through her playing once a week in the cool of the July and August evenings in the Gardens. And we shared about personal topics and challenges and dreams.

When my beloved passed away I had 2 songs that rattled around in my head for the memorial service and I could hear Jennifer singing them. I was so raw, I did not know if it was rude of me to ask her to perform at his service or not. Sheepishly, I asked her if she would be willing to learn these songs... and she said YES. She blessed me in one of my darkest moments.

Now she is living farther away and has many challenges, but she still is singing and bringing light with her wherever she goes. You can check her out HERE.

I am thankful for Jennifer.

Love,

Gratitude Posts - Friendships

"China"

"China" is a beautiful friend. We met online first, in a young widow's group, and the connections were real and substantial through the wires. When I visited the south for an extended period of time I got to meet her in person. We met at an Ikea, figuring that if the friend chemistry was not good we could shop and go our separate ways at the end. But we spent the entire rest of the day together and even stayed overnight at a hotel just so that we could keep talking later into the evening.

"China" is a feisty, funny and faithful woman. She lost her beloved partner at a young age, as I had. She is forever spiritually curious like I am. And she has a big heart for the underdog, like I do. She is a non-profit diva - just like me. Read about her ministry HERE. Apart from similarities, her car is covered in funny bumper stickers and she wears bright and colorful clothes that betray her enthusiasm for living large.

I am thankful for "China".

Love,

Gratitude Posts - Friendships

When I lost my soul mate to cancer in 2008 there was certainly no way that I could have understood the way my relationships would change over time.

I experienced such acute loneliness from losing my flesh-and-blood connection with Brian. It was akin to having my chest ripped open and all the contents, hot, sticky and precious bursting forth.

Who or what got me through?

Truth is, the question is really wrong unless it is in the present tense. Who or what is GETTING me through. These kinds of processes are life long. No one seems better qualified to tell you this than I. Our processes of grief are such a spiral, not a linear path.

I think WHO is far more important to me than what. I was just reading about the effects of loneliness on our bodies and psyches and it is sobering to understand how much a toll it takes to be without friendship. That is an important part of what my work and calling is about - because grief is a culturally isolating experience. Most people find that a month after a death that their phones stop ringing... people vanish months later when you are really in the sh*tter. The endurance that the long road of grief takes is pretty misunderstood by our culture - where the message is "get over it".

So I celebrate 2 people today in this post... one "old" and one "new"...

WHO - OLD

Samantha






My friend in all things adventurous. We have known each other since the early 90's. Our sense of humor is terse and wacky. She has been so faithful for so many years. We currently are working together intently on a project in Haiti. Post earthquake, things have ramped up as we are trying to fund raise to move the kids to a safe place before the rains come... read about our work HERE. We named the site little iron flowers after a poem which said the beauty of the Haitian people was like little iron flowers.... I think grieving people are like this too - beautiful and tough.

Sam knew after Brian died that I needed counseling for post-traumatic stress and she gave me a platform through which to do it. It was like throwing me a life preserver.

Samantha is moving into manifesting the full measure of her creation. I love being a witness and participant in this.

WHO - NEW

Kathryn Antyr

Katheryn goes by the nickname Collage Diva. I have read her for about half a year now. She is actively sharing her life-source of creativity on her site HERE. I read her, listen to her, enjoy her and find myself on a virtual oxygen machine. I have been a silent observer for a good while and consistently find a good nugget of nourishment in her creative outpouring on her website. Go check her out...

I think I will continue to share along this line for a few days... I am making these posts as tiny, humble "gratitude visits"...


Those with poet mind
will love you quiet and deep
like haiku


Love,

Today's Reflections

Today was a busy day... The website members-area is starting - ever so modestly - to get joiners!

Our members-only area on the website is great for online community-building. I have been involved with an online woman's group that is using this technology and it is really great. Lots of options for dialing it in - you can enjoy or post music, videos, pictures... have a blog, participate in a forum... the members-area is free when you complete a questionnaire.

These are of some of our membership questions when you sign up...

Have you recently experienced a loss?

Have you spent time with someone who has experienced a significant loss?

What systems of personal and emotional support are you using currently?

What systems of personal and emotional support have you used previously?

What is your impression or understanding of yourself at this time in relation to impermanence?

Please describe your most challenging personal experience with impermanence (your own or that of someone close to you), and its effect on you.

Describe your personal experience with grief and your feelings about the grieving process.

We are a fledgling group, with lots of room for input, suggestions and making your own little niche... Consider toddling over to the website, clicking "sign up" and join us!

WEBSITE

Today's Reflections

Link to a beautiful rendition...

Dust in the Wind...

I close my eyes
Only for a moment and the moment's gone
All my dreams
Pass before my eyes, a curiosity

Dust in the wind
All they are is dust in the wind

Same old song
Just a drop of water in an endless sea
All we do
Crumbles to the ground
Though we refuse to see

Dust in the wind
All we are is dust in the wind

Ohh...

Now don't hang on
Nothin' lasts forever but the earth and sky
It slips away
And all your money won't another minute buy

Dust in the wind
All we are is dust in the wind (All we are is dust in the wind)
Dust in the wind (Everything is dust in the wind)
Everything is dust in the wind.

Today's Reflections

Image Credit: Pat Cain

"Every one of us

is losing something precious to us.

Lost opportunities,

lost possibilities,

feelings we can never get back again.

That’s part of what it means to be alive."

— Haruki Murakami

Today's Reflections

An easy thing, O Power Divine,

To thank Thee for these gifts of Thine,

For summer's sunshine, winter's snow,

For hearts that kindle, thoughts that glow;

But when shall I attain to this -

To thank Thee for the things I miss?

-Thomas Wentworth Higginson

Today's Reflections

A woman

who lives longer than her husband

is called a widow,

a man without his wife

a widower.

A child

without parents

is an orphan.

But what do you call the father and mother of a child who has died?



This is a part of our work at Alive and Mortal. Creating words and phrases in community as an act of advocacy. Join us....

Today's Reflections

In 1596, while writing the history play King John, Shakespeare's 11 year old son, Hamnet, died of the plague. Shakespeare's grief can be seen in the play in the words of Constance, mother of Prince Arthur, who, believing him to be dead says;

"Grief fills the room up of my absent child.

Lies in his bed, walks up and down with me.

Puts on his pretty looks, repeats his words.

Remembers me of all his gracious parts.

Stuffs out his vacant garments with his form.

Then, have I reason to be fond of grief".

Constance then exits, and is seen no more.

Today's Reflections

It is said an Eastern monarch once charged his wise men to invent him a sentence which should be true and appropriate in all times and situations.

All wise men got puzzled by King's request. One answer for all question? Something that works everywhere, in every situation? In every joy, every sorrow, every defeat and every victory?

They thought and thought. After a lengthy discussion, an old man suggested something which appeal to all of them. They went to king and gave him something written on paper. But the condition was that king was not to see it - only in extreme danger, when the King finds himself alone and there seems to be no way, only then he can see it. The King put the papers under his diamond ring.

After a few days, enemy neighbors attacked the Kingdom. The King and his army fought bravely but lost the battle. King had to flee on his horse. His horse took him far away in Jungle. He could hear many troops of horses were following him and the noise was coming closer and closer. Suddenly the King found himself standing in the end of the road. Underneath there was a rocky valley thousand feet deep. If he jumped, he would be finished. King became restless. There seemed to be no way.

Then suddenly he saw the diamond in his ring shining in the sun, and he remembered the message hidden in the ring. He opened the diamond and read the message. The message was very small but very great.

The message was - " This too will pass."

The King read it. Again read it. Suddenly he understood - Yes! Only a few days ago, I was enjoying my kingdom. I was the mightiest of all the Kings. Yet today, the Kingdom and all pleasure have gone. I am here trying to escape from enemies. However when those days of luxuries have gone, this day of danger too will pass. A calm come on his face. He kept standing there. The place where he was standing was full of natural beauty. He had never known that such a beautiful place was also a part of his Kingdom. The revelation of message had a great effect on him. He relaxed and forget about those following him. After a few minute he realized that the noise of the horses and the enemy coming was receding. They moved into some other part of the mountains and were not on that path.

The King was very brave. He reorganized his army and fought again. He defeated the enemy and regain his lost empire. When he returned to his empire after victory, he was received with much fan fare at the door. The whole capital was rejoicing in the victory. Everyone was in a festive mood. Flowers were being thrown on King from every house, from every corner. People were dancing and singing. For a moment King said to himself,"I am one of the bravest and greatest King. It is not easy to defeat me." With all the reception and celebration an ego emerged in him.

Suddenly the Diamond of his ring flashed in the sunlight and reminded him of the message. He open it and read it again: "This too will pass."

And, he became silent.

Today's Reflections

Mourn Not

The Barren Fields

Nor Open Green

That Sits Silent

Today's Reflections

Some days

I buckle under the weight

of all the dark forces

that hold dominion

on the widow and orphan.


Some days

I feel the downward vortex

of the stillborn one

and the empty bassinet.

Aching for a way-shower.

A guide to show me how to get

OUT.


And then

I rise.

Somehow.

I honestly cannot tell you how.

It rises within like a surge of firey pain

that cries out to love life

and be fruitful.



On Tuesday

I told the woman that my favorite word was

"nevertheless".


Love,

Today's Reflections

part 1

you were weightier than my expectation.

heavier.

perhaps you were trying to press me

that I not muddy the occasion of receiving you

in a haze of my own dark hiding.

you weighed me down

and smelled faintly of fear.

I could not imagine you a person at such a scale.

I could hold you like an infant - you were that small now.

but oh, your cremation taught me that your soul-

it was much larger than the cosmos.

I saw you flying and you left a vapour trail in your wake.


part 2


I knew you wanted to be set free

but the rumbling of a distant family war cry delayed me.

only I knew and held your final wishes in my heart.

like a woman fighting off tigers...

they came for you.

to dishonor you.

the irony was I fought for you

only to ultimately release you.

even I did not have right to possess you.

you slipped through my fingers

and vanished for evermore.

-kg

Today's Reflections

Image Credit: Art & Archeology Dot Com


Psychopomps:

(from the Greek word ψυχοπομπός (psychopompos), literally meaning the "guide of souls")

are creatures, spirits, angels, or deities in many religions

whose responsibility is to escort newly-deceased souls to the afterlife.

Their role is not to judge the deceased, but simply provide safe passage.

Frequently depicted on funerary art,

psychopomps have been associated at different times and in different cultures with:

horses, whip-poor-wills, ravens, dogs, crows, owls, sparrows, cuckoos, harts and yamatoots.

(Credit: Google)

Today's Reflections

Image Credit: Block Party Press

Sympathy is a sacred, precious

And God-given gift.

Do not waste it

On your doubting mind

And your unaspiring heart.

Sympathy is the revelation of God-Heart in us.

-- Sri Chinmoy