When I lost my soul mate to cancer in 2008 there was certainly no way that I could have understood the way my relationships would change over time.
I experienced such acute loneliness from losing my flesh-and-blood connection with Brian. It was akin to having my chest ripped open and all the contents, hot, sticky and precious bursting forth.
Who or what got me through?
Truth is, the question is really wrong unless it is in the present tense. Who or what is GETTING me through. These kinds of processes are life long. No one seems better qualified to tell you this than I. Our processes of grief are such a spiral, not a linear path.
I think WHO is far more important to me than what. I was just reading about the effects of loneliness on our bodies and psyches and it is sobering to understand how much a toll it takes to be without friendship. That is an important part of what my work and calling is about - because grief is a culturally isolating experience. Most people find that a month after a death that their phones stop ringing... people vanish months later when you are really in the sh*tter. The endurance that the long road of grief takes is pretty misunderstood by our culture - where the message is "get over it".
So I celebrate 2 people today in this post... one "old" and one "new"...
WHO - OLD
My friend in all things adventurous. We have known each other since the early 90's. Our sense of humor is terse and wacky. She has been so faithful for so many years. We currently are working together intently on a project in Haiti. Post earthquake, things have ramped up as we are trying to fund raise to move the kids to a safe place before the rains come... read about our work HERE. We named the site little iron flowers after a poem which said the beauty of the Haitian people was like little iron flowers.... I think grieving people are like this too - beautiful and tough.
Sam knew after Brian died that I needed counseling for post-traumatic stress and she gave me a platform through which to do it. It was like throwing me a life preserver.
Samantha is moving into manifesting the full measure of her creation. I love being a witness and participant in this.
WHO - NEW
Katheryn goes by the nickname Collage Diva. I have read her for about half a year now. She is actively sharing her life-source of creativity on her site HERE. I read her, listen to her, enjoy her and find myself on a virtual oxygen machine. I have been a silent observer for a good while and consistently find a good nugget of nourishment in her creative outpouring on her website. Go check her out...
I think I will continue to share along this line for a few days... I am making these posts as tiny, humble "gratitude visits"...
Those with poet mind
will love you quiet and deep