We find ourselves on a day ten "sabbath" (at least, for catholic and protestants) in the 31 day pledge. I have had a few bumpy moments - but in service to the pledge I was thinking of self care first, and it helped a great deal. My past was largely defined by self depreciation. More recently, I had healed major portions of this dysfunction and had experienced greater freedoms, but struggled as everyone does with the many roles I was asked to fill or volunteered to fill. The role of wife and mother is by nature a self-less role. My career as an event producer also often took a front seat to my caring for myself and my personal needs. Brian's career was demanding of both of us as well, there were many times that I was bringing him a dinner at 11 pm at the studio. The big kahuna was when I was primary caregiver of my dying beloved - this meant EVERYTHING went on the back burner as he needed me to help him peacefully cross over. It was my sacred responsibility.
I must admit that there have been a few times I've wanted to put myself on the back burner over these last 10 days just to make someone else satisfied. But, right now, it is okay to want to put me first sometimes. Mindfulness helps. It's teaching me to shift my priorities right now - it won't be forever, and soon enough other things will creep up that need to be given greater priority.
I've seen how I:
1. allow guilt to motivate my self-neglect
2. have a growing appreciation for giving myself attention and care
5. can encounter a God who will lead me into greater self-care
Today's Suggested Intention: I intend to be creative for an hour or two today.
Today's Suggested Kind Act: I'm NOT going to entertain guilt!
Love,
